Neon

WEEDAHOLIC

[Neon @fw_Neon]

Friend said " this weed is light" Ten minutes later bro was blinking manually and asking if time slowed down.

[Big_AJ @Big_AJ7]

Life got harder. My heart didn't.

[marqix ☆ @fwmarqix]

Friend: I have been lying to my daughter for 19 years.

Me: That's a concerning opening sentence.

Friend: It's not a serious lie.

Me: What kind of lie lasts 19 years?

Friend: A crane lie.

Me: A what?

Friend: When my daughter was 5, she made an origami crane at school.

Me: Okay.

Friend: She gave it to me and asked if I liked it.

Me: Reasonable.

Friend: It was objectively terrible.

Me: BRO.

Friend: The wings were different sizes, One eye was missing, It looked exhausted.

Me: HAHAHAHA.

Friend: But she was proud of it, So I told her, "Origami cranes are my favorite thing in the world."

Me: NO WAY🙆🙆

Friend: BRO..... I just wanted her to be happy.

Me: And?

Friend: The next birthday, Cranes.
Father's Day, Cranes.
Christmas, More cranes.

Me: NO😂

Friend: Every year, For 19 years.

Me: HAHAHAHA.

Friend: My office has cranes, My car has cranes, My house has cranes, I have received approximately 700 cranes.

Me: SEVEN HUNDRED?

Friend: I stopped counting.

Me: Why didn't you tell her?

Friend: After year five it felt weird, After year ten it felt impossible, After year fifteen it felt like a government secret.

Me: Fair.

Friend: Last week she called me.

Me: Uh oh.

Friend: She says, "Dad, don't make plans for next month." I ask why.

Me: And?

Friend: She booked us into a three-day traditional origami workshop.

Me: HAHAHAHA.

Friend: Three days.

Me: NO.

Friend: Three entire days.

Me: What did you say?

Friend: I said, "That sounds wonderful."

Me: YOU COWARD.

Friend: BRO I'M IN TOO DEEP.

Me: What's your actual favorite thing?

Friend: Dogs.

Me: How many dog gifts have you received?

Friend: Zero.

Me: Tragic.

Friend: Instead I own enough paper birds to start a migration.

[ℋ𝒶𝒾𝓁𝑒𝓎 @Am_hailey]

My toddler and I were walking past the fire station. The fire chief, who happens to be Black, was walking past and noticed that my toddler had on his firefighter rain boots. He stopped us and brought him 2 jr firefighter hats and stickers. Made his entire day. ✨✨

[✦ 𝓢𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓮 ✦🪐 @upshine3]

Years ago a manager at a restaurant gave me the wrong change. I said quietly “You gave me the wrong change.” She started yelling “ I have a college degree I know how to count.” I said “Ok I’ll keep the extra $20.” Then her tone changed. My neighbor worked there, later told me the owner was in heard everything and fired her. The restaurant had been short and she blamed the other employees. Lol my neighbor got the manager job and thanked me 🤣 this been posted on x before?

[Neon @fw_Neon]

@AmakaiJaphet For real

[dIL funds @AmakaiJaphet]

What's the weirdest shii you've ever done during smoking season ADHD had me moving different

[Introvert✨ @IntroverT_0011]

The older I get the more that I realize that my mom was always right

[✦𝖈𝖆𝖇𝖆𝖘𝖆✦ @Fw_cabasa]

My sex drive is entirely too high for the amount of sex that I am not having...

[Neon @fw_Neon]

Hit the weed, opened Netflix, and somehow watched trailers for an hour instead of an actual movie.🤦

[Jett 🜲 @iky_fwjett]

Crazy how every time women give us blowjobs, they are in the perfect position to bite our dicks off (and it would be deserved). Yet they never do. For this reason alone, I would like to nominate All Women for the Nobel Peace Prize

[Bennie🕊️ @Bennieeexyz]

One of my favorite memories with my dad started with a watermelon and ended with a destroyed plate.

I was a kid and asked him if he could cut up a watermelon for me.

Dad: Sure.

The confidence in that "sure" should have been a warning.

He grabs the watermelon, puts it on a ceramic plate, picks up a huge kitchen knife, and walks over like a man who has cut a million watermelons in his life.

No hesitation.

No measuring.

No cutting board.

Just pure confidence.

He raises the knife and comes down with one clean, dramatic swing.

WHACK.

Perfect cut.

Straight through the watermelon.

Also straight through the plate.

For a second we both just stood there staring.

Half a watermelon.

Two halves of a plate.

One very confused dad.

Then we completely lost it.

I'm talking tears-in-your-eyes laughing.

The kind of laugh where you can't breathe and every time you look at each other you start all over again.

Dad kept saying:

Dad: Well... technically I cut the watermelon.

And honestly, he wasn't wrong.

To this day, whenever someone gets a little too confident before doing something simple, someone in the family inevitably says:

"Remember the watermelon."

And everybody starts laughing again.

[Ç™️ @C_wontmiss]

Bosses are such comedians. "I can't offer you more money but I would be happy to offer you more responsibility" like lol that's incredible. Best joke of the day. 10/10.

[Neon @fw_Neon]

Hit the weed, opened Netflix, and somehow watched trailers for an hour instead of an actual movie.🤦

[Neon @fw_Neon]

@ikpe001 New shii on the block homie

[Neon @fw_Neon]

Magnetic 🧲 WEED

[Neon @fw_Neon]

Magnetic 🧲 WEED

[Neon @fw_Neon]

@TheColour_Azul For real

[Neon @fw_Neon]

My cousin smoked today and suddenly became a philosopher. Started explaining how cereal is technically soup.😂

[Neon @fw_Neon]

@TheColour_Azul I don't think so hommie 😂