Gabriel Omassi

Stand up Criminology. OFF-JFL 2069

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

For the love of god, if you can, stay inside. And if you are bored, DANCE! #EnoughIsEnough

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

I feel relief that multinational corporations have my best interests at heart.

Now if you excuse me, i'm going to fill up my car with totally safe leaded gasoline while I smoke a pack of doctor recommended lucky strike cigarettes.

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

The WHO recommends a maximum daily intake of 40 milligrams of aspartame per kilogram of body weight.

Which is 33 cans of soda a day.
I’ve been following these guidelines since this article came out.

In unrelated news.
I have about a month to live.

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

I once jumped out a window to get my current girlfriend to notice me.

🧍🏻‍♀️👨‍🦼
Best decision I’ve ever made in my life

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

Can’t wait for the sequel to Oppenheimer:

OppenHymen: Atomic Pussy

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

Abraham Lincoln if he was a Pimp:

“420 Score and 69 years ago 😎”

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

@thisisjerapy Sorry about that...

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

I can’t remember the last time I had a vegetable 😔

[Serag “The Franchise” Meletian @MeletianFalcon]

Honoured to be part of JFL’s Discovering My Ass series.
We made it!

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

Women wear bras on their boobs. But men don’t wear bras for their balls?

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

I was at a wedding this weekend.
There was a disposable camera placed on every table.
People were taking photos of the food.
People were taking photos of each other dancing.

I took 23 photos of my ass.

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

Career, Relationship, Success, Happiness? Or Elden Ring?

[Pantelis @BigP4H]

Hilarious new episode with @AaamerRez & @gabeomassi
Is up on YouTube.

▶️https://t.co/jteN4wwX8t

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

Now I know why I got my Vaccines! It was to be allowed to go into the theater and see Jackass Forever!

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

Gonna drive to Ottawa with my
Honk if you’re horny bumper sticker

[Amer Rez @AaamerRez]

@MikeWardca is offering 25 shelters to 25 Montreal English comedians

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

Am I the only person that secretly hopes the booster shot is filled with cum?💦🤤

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

Fight the flower!

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

Hi

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

If I couldn't grow a beard I probably would be more in shape.
You know what they always say:
The face is the gateway to how fat I am

[Gabriel Omassi @gabeomassi]

I put a fried egg in my chicken sandwich.

That way I can eat the mommy and the baby at the same time.