"Harry, listen. Lucius has invited you to dinner tonight. He's gonna make you eat 5 dozen oysters and then lock you in a room with his ovulating daughter. Slam this preworkout before you head in there."
"You wanted to know how good a pureblood kiss is so much, you slipped me a love potion, Pottah? So, how is it?"
"Malfoid... that was just a gatorade..."
for my bros, keep yearning.
"HARRY! HARRY! What in the name of Merlin were you doing with the Malfoid girl?"
"Nothing prof-"
"Good God, the whole castle could hear it! Girl screams like a banshee! Haven't heard anyone lay it down like that since your father was here. 500 points to Gryfindor!"
DUMBLEDORE, VERY CALMLY:
“MISS MALFOID, STOP USING FAKE PREGNANCY TESTS ON MR. POTTER.
AND YOU, HARRY, STOP BECOMING A FUCKING WOMANIZER OR I WILL KILL YOU.
HOWEVER
FOR YOUR BRAVERY AND ABSOLUTE LUNATIC BEHAVIOR IN DOING THAT IN FRONT OF THE STUDENTS, PROFESSOR AND ME AT HOGWARTS
I SHALL GIVE YOU
3000 MILLION POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR.”
"Professor have you seen my scarf it's gone"
"The scarf it's on better hand now Harry don't worry you will have it back"
"Thank you Sir"
"Ofc boy, 20000 point to GRIFFINDOR"