Garrett Lexell

Comedian. Millennial correspondent. I say what your group chat is thinking.

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

Am I the only one who googles “health benefits of ___” just to psyche myself up for chia seeds?

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

Nooo all the emails found them well

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@karthikponna19 Biggest solution is cleaning it

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

Don’t forget to leave a pair of jeans out tonight for Sydney Sweeney! 🥰🎄

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

No one’s wished me a Happy Honda Days yet 🥺

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

Them: “You’re a comedian?”
Me: “Yes”
Them: “I can see it, you look funny.”
Me: “…thanks?”

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@ThatJakeKid91 Why are they like this!? 🤣🤣🤣

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

My boomer mom picking up my sister’s coffee cup “You didn’t put any weed in here, right!?”

God speed, y’all 🫡

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@princessshenk I have a panic attack trying to access their parking lot so I turn around. I’ve never made it inside!

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@chefsevenn The f*ck outta there

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

A masterpiece!

[Ghostface @GhostfaceTalks_]

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[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@JohnnyDramaChas I think it would be, Bob. Maybe we could watch over a couple of Sankas??

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@betchesluvthis As a grown man I’m embarrassed to share my top artist was Justin Timberlake EVERY MONTH this year. Help me, Spotify, HELLPPP!!

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@MCO I’m just trying to scroll, @MCO!! 😭

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@NoContextHumans Murfreesboro 🥴

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@GhostfaceTalks_ Here’s to the next 29! 🥂🔪

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@jeremypiven @netflix Please for the love of God @netflix — bring us Ari Gold!!

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@Matt_Pinner Destroyed by laying on a pillow once.

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@zturner2002 About to win a championship! 💪🏼

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

I am the Michael Jordan of maintaining eye contact with my Hooters waitress.

[Garrett Lexell @garrettlexell]

@TrumpsHurricane Passing his oral exams