gayle.txt

Quotes from the She-King of Northbread herself, Gayle Waters-Waters. // Written by @chrisfluming // Run by @brentraptor

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

If these houses were a soft drink, they would be Sprite.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

locusts, a flood, and a thousand Mimis from the Drew Carey Show raining down on Earth, blotting out the sun in a mass of blue eyeshadow

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

NYU is just girls in fedoras trying to get addicted to cigarettes.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

They know nothing of this post-9/11 age! To them it's all Bisquick and Skip-Its!

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

You look about one DUI away from starting a reptile birthday party company.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

David, when you get upset, you sound like Sufjan Stevens crying in a tree because an owl played his French horn without asking.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

Everyone's looking at me like I'm at an Eyes Wide Shut party uninvited.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

the blind confidence and botched whimsy of a camp counselor in the end of August

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

"Baby Got Back" brings out the worst in people.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

What would Tonya Harding do?

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

a ham roast that could feed a lion pride for a calendar month

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

You're a baby fox in Sufjan Stevens' tour bus. You are Chris Pratt at a bar mitzvah.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

She looks like a Dust-Bowl-era knickknack saleswoman.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

Quiche is just pizza that went to private school.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

When a girl calls her boyfriend by his formal name, you KNOW he's the worst.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

🎶 Christmastime is here and I'm tired of the same old shit

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

You are a small liar. You are a wrongsmith.

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

So I black out from the rage, and I come to covered head-to-toe in hollandaise sauce

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

They know nothing of this post-9/11 age! To them it's all Bisquick and Skip-Its!

[gayle.txt @gaylebot]

In birthing classes, they don't tell you that one day, your progeny may develop sexual feelings for a lizard.