this is very much a personal need so imma try and build it lesssggggooooo
(i'll reframe this as soon as i sketch out the deets over the week and clear up my head but i guess this is cool for now?)
cc: @_buildspace@_nightsweekends s5
there have been a lot of movies where your best mate would somehow have been duplicated.
and one would be the evil one, obviously.
and it is upto you to figure out which one of them is the real one.
by the words they utter.
or by asking a question you know only the real one would know.
I've always wanted to end up in such a situation.
it comes down to showing someone you know them the best. or to you seeing for yourself if someone knows you well enough.
it's like a real life security question.
I did wake up every day at 5am for two months and then go outside and attempt a kind of half-jog where I listened to the Japanese Breakfast songs that make you want to cut yourself, Phoebe Bridgers, Mazzy Star, and Runaway by Kanye West on loop around my suburban neighbourhood. at 5:30 am there were still too many people and their dogs outside, to the point where sometimes if I could muster, id get up at 4 so when I ran outside it would feel like I was alone. when id get back home id take a nap at 9am. I still wanted 8 hours of sleep, but the sun sets at 10pm in the summer, so Id take a melatonin every night at 8pm. this was the summer I was studying for the MCAT, and the man who I prophetically, in a whole body sense, believed would seamlessly tumble down a secure line of inertia toward me, was overseas hoe'ing, and so I would do these types of things to myself. I also had a piece of graph paper that would list every hour of every day, and I derived great pleasure from filling in the boxes with a marker every time I checked the clock and remembered. though still, I was conscious of the fact that deriving pleasure from watching time waste away was probably a severe spiritual transgression. there is an Annie Ernaux quote that resonated with me during this time: "thanks to him, I was able to approach the frontier separating me from others, to the extent of actually believing that I could sometimes cross over it. I measured time differently, with all my body". I didn't have much back then. which is all to say that you should check up on your friends who've suddenly decided to take up running.