generallyoffcolour

generally off colour memes on IG

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Normalize placing bets with your friends on men struggling to c*m during sex

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Dad texting me about my finances

Me on the toilet: I’m cashing checks I can’t afford

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“Let him cook”

I say as I wait 10 mins for my dog to finish taking a shit

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Every time I wash myself with pure uncut Dr. Bronner’s I remind myself I too know what it’s like to experience god

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@bewbletea Ah yes, a lesson in anatomy.

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@bewbletea I think you can file for workman’s comp.

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@bewbletea I see these old bones can learn some new tricks.

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@bewbletea Follow-follow up: Will they still be edible?

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@bewbletea Checks ER board for a human with a bushel of grapes up their ass.

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@bewbletea Follow up: will this make raisins?

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Saltburn is like Fight Club for fans of 2010 tumblr

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Call it the cum gutter cause I pour when it rains

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nurse at the squirt competition:

you think they need a foley?

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Mike’s Semi Flaccid Lemonade

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At Olive Garden:

Me: I will have the Garden’s Olives.

Waiter: -takes me out back and performs several unchristian and explicitly gay activities on me-

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Honor my bf’s cock by blessing before it leaves the house in spanish: jesús, maría, y josé

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Me at the potluck mixing up my community lingos: Do you or do you not participate in kitchen table mental illness?

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I really think that Duolingo - Bushwick should begin with more important phrases such as, “I need to take a massive shit in this bathroom” and “Is this really ketamine?”

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Reverse cowgirl so we can both watch Commando

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“Goblin mode??”

More like I’m “gobblin those holes”