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Random Dad-joke generator and Research Project Officer at CSIRO

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@alexwhan New precautions - keep 8 feet away at all times.

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@CorbinSchuster Secrets of the Ancients dating back to before the creation of the Nazca Lines.

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@McDonaldsAu you could save 20% on your plastic waste by using smaller cups. Or, you know, fill the cups you have. 8-/ #shakedown #chocshock

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Me: I want my R script, dammit!
Partner from other room: Are you talking to me?
Me: No, my #$%&! computer.
Partner: How is your computer going to grip your arse?!
#mondegreen #R

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@JamieScarrow @AswinSiNat And our science is as strong as the string and duct-tape we use in our precision engineering!

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And don't even get me started on the challenges of "here comes the aeroplane"!

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#ParentingInLockdown "This little piggy went to market, but there was no toilet paper and the only pasta was an $8 100g packet of gluten-free orecchiette. And this little piggy stayed home. And this little piggy stayed home. And this little piggy stayed home.

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And this little piggy had to stay in a hotel for 2 weeks before he could go wee wee wee all the way home.

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@iLemmon If your dissertation predates the marriage, you have first dibs on names and you can get married as Dr Lemmon and Mr Dr Lemmon if he's worried about two names being confusing.

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Posting for a friend. fair data

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@antonwasson This is the Solace of Quantum.

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@kentonp_ag Zadogs scoring. :)

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@city_news If ever there was a stronger proof that similar-named state and federal political parties are different entities than this stance on transparency, I've not seen it. ;)

[Larry Marshall @DrLarryMarshall]

Today @CSIRO begins vaccine candidate testing to fight COVID-19, collaborating both within Australia and across the globe. Our researchers are working around-the-clock to combat this disease and we will keep working until this viral enemy is defeated https://t.co/kTAoDzTVhj

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@KywongRP @ACTPolicing Haven't you heard of the long arm of the law? ;)

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@ACTPolicing Except for that guy on the right of the photo, he didn't read the all-staff email about not wasting PPE yet... ;)

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Just realised another reason why folks are hoarding #toiletpaper. They thought there was an outbreak of Caroma virus.

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Text excerpt from the Working From Home diaries:

If Monty (our dog) does a bright pink poo, don't panic. I went out for literally 30 seconds to feed the chooks, and came back to Phoebe(2) saying "woof hung'y" with an empty playdoh jar and pink crumbs scattered about his bed. 8-/

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2 of my neighbour's chickens have taken up residence I our yard. The lighter one is female and I have named Honey. The darker brown one is male and I have named Red. Yup. Honey Chicken and Red Rooster. The little joys of my twisted mind ironically keep me sane.

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@melijrussell I think the feds were happy to let the states cop the flack for making the hard unpopular necessary decisions, but closing schools will cause economic mayhem that would finally put the last nail in the coffin of the Liberals-are-the-strong-economic-managers myth for next election