Geoff Caple

Cheeky English gent, washed ashore in Australia. Arrived with a pittance, still got most of it left. Retired tortoise trainer

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

Your worst nightmare. You go to a party and the other bloke is wearing the same top as you are.

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@KenWhistance @LeeHurstComic Compulsory voting here, Ken. Fined if you don’t attend the polling booth and get your name ticked off the electoral-roll

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

In a live-cross, two tv presenters dressed in top hats, tell a couple they’ve won a king-size posturepedic bed, then realise it won’t fit in their bedroom. Gripping drama that keeps serious television alive

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

Not that I could ever be a vegetarian, but watching Clarkson’s Farm and seeing the pigs, sheep, and cows being loaded onto a truck heading to the abattoir makes feel sad and just a tad guilty

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@SteveCaple4 My favourite berry. As a young boy in London I discovered them growing wildly at the bottom of our garden. Would eat them with evaporated milk

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

Once upon a time I would retire in nothing but my birthday suit. These days it’s fleecy pyjamas and wooly bed socks. Thankfully there’s still no nightcap and no teeth in a jar. One has to draw the line somewhere

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

Reading a paperback for the first time in years. No batteries, no updates no subscriptions. The old ways really are the best. I’m two chapters away from churning my own butter and writing letters by candlelight

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@SteveCaple4 Only a guess, but I think mice are “having a go” at the windfalls from the mandarin tree. Some are hollowed out, others the peels are left like confetti. It’s just as well I’m not very fond of mandarins

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

830 Australians recognised for King’s Birthday Honours, and I’ve missed out again. The ungrateful bastards

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

Another once-in-a-fortnight weather event the bureau completely failed to predict. A crystal ball and a bloke called Barry would be a far better bet

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@KenWhistance “Mornin’ or g’day, mate.” Very common. Even I say it

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@KenWhistance Hope all is okay now. Rest up, mate

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@England_Pod Playing soccer in front of a large crowd, against some German boys in Majorca a few hours after we won it in ‘66

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@KenWhistance Got an “Old Bill pasting,” and a night in a holding cell when I was a young’n. I deserved it. Got off light. Been on the straight and narrow ever since

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@KenWhistance Went there once when I sailed to Oz. Glad to see the back of it

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

Nothing wrong with talking to your dog. We’ve had some excellent discussions. Sadly, politics has driven a wedge between us. Negotiations have broken down. He’s now facing targeted Bonio sanctions

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

Found this hiding in the back of the pantry. Best before 2009. I was going to throw it out, but Geoff’s School of Catering believes in giving ingredients a second chance. And occasionally a third decade

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

Sacrilege

[North Yorkshire @visitnorthyork]

Let's settle this.

Do beans go with fish and chips?

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@SteveCaple4 Most probably too late this year. Only one left - on life support, and gone very woody. I think it’s karked it

[Geoff Caple @geoffcaple]

@fesshole Is that you, Shirley?