gerry hall

Owner of two, count 'em TWO, televisions.

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

Police Sketch Artist: Start by describing his eyes

Me: They were sky blue

Artist: OMG he sounds dreamy!

Me: He's mine!

*we cat fight*

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

That guy on the Operation game board? He was awake the whole fucking time. We said nothing. Juuuust kept operating.

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

Frankly, I'm going to miss the witty banter between Governor Trudeau and First Lady Trump

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

@KloppSznn @YourRAGEz @JoshuaSchriver You think someone being gay or straight is controlled by environment? Then how do you explain all the people who became gay living in traditional homes? You are what you are when it comes to sexuality.

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

@EuropeInvasions

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

@TiffShuttleswor No.

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

(Movie trailer voice): Coming soon to FX...

Adderall Bear!

*clip of bear quietly reading book*

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

[Judgement Day]

God: You often committed the sin of envy

Me: What? Never!

God: This is from last night. *shows a video of me keying a guy's car because he can make origami giraffes*

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

We don't really know what day of the year Jesus was born OR when he died.

Imagine if Dec. 25 was actually the day he was crucified...

We could be digging ourselves a big hole here.

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

Imagine being a kid in China on Christmas, opening up your present and going, "I made this..."

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

I hate shoe stores that don't categorize their shoes. You buy a new pair, go for a run but some ref keeps calling you for traveling because you bought basketball shoes? No thanks Foot Locker.

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

@SerenaJB3 You're poison

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

@teac_smith @LucciNation JFC you lame cocksuckers never give up

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

I'm going to avoid the office microwave today...

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

@ThoughtsToby I have no idea why my phone responded 'P' to this video...O think it's having a stroke.

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

@ThoughtsToby P

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

@Warren1Point @dannopotamus

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

@janprys1 @goneallweek @forevaeva79 @therealhebrahim No the ones that have their shit together.

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

Crazy weekend.

[Bill Burr @billburr]

Congratulations to the Toronto Maple Leafs!

[gerry hall @gerryhallcomedy]

In 2007 I agreed to pay over $60 to Blockbuster in late fees for a movie I never rented, so maybe don't ask me to ever negotiate anything for you.