i've had dreams where i stare at my infant self in the mirror, and her eyes are staring at up at me like she thinks i can fucking save her and i can feel the waves of hatred going through me at the sight of that bitch i hate her
i renact the story of isaac and ishmael in my head except god is telling me to sacrifice my younger self and its my punishment for choosing to come to life in the first place
sometimes I wish people were a bit more curious about me and would ask me things because they want a better understanding of me because I want them to want to understand me better is that weird? I feel incredibly lonely thinking about how this doesnβt really happen
i've had my disorder for so long, and i'm never skinny enough for someone to look at me and go "wow she's really fucking ill" and then it just feeds back into the loop of oh wow i am Not sick enough to even think of myself as disordered