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quotes and posts from the book ‘ghosted’ by j.m. darhower. | TW: alcohol addiction.

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the writer who dreamed big & the actor who slowly disappeared

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“Okay, but only if you see when she gets all pretty, ‘cuz sometimes people don’t see.”
“She’s always pretty,” he says.
“But you gotta tell her, and maybe pick her some flowers, too, ‘cuz it makes her happy when I do that,” she says, strutting over to him and grabbing his hand.

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And maybe it won’t last, I don’t know. Maybe tomorrow something will happen and the tears will come back, but I’m grateful for the moment, knowing he loves her more than anything.

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“I hate you. That’s it. There’s nothing else to say. I hate everything about you. Your voice, your face… I hate it. Why aren’t you going away?”
“Because I can’t,” I tell her, “and I’m pretty sure you don’t really want me to.”

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She kicks her feet, grinning. “I love you, too.”
“More than chocolate ice cream and Saturday mornings?”
“Uh-huh,” she says. “More than colors and money!”

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“Well, like Breezeo, Maryanne’s a story. The woman outside, her name is Serena. I work with her. I’m not going to be kissing her like I kiss your mom. When I kiss your mom, it’s real.”

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“Does he come back, Mommy?” she asks.
“Well, I guess it’s possible,” I say. “There’s really no such thing as ‘the end’ in comics. People come back all the time.”

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https://t.co/zdUtl4ybhh

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“Bring them to me,” you say. “Let me read them.”
She gives you a horrified look. “Why in the world would I do that?”
“Because we’re in ‘fuck your clubs’ club together.”

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https://t.co/FNcglKmQu7

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“I’ll still be your daddy, even when I’m Breezeo.”
“No, you won’t!” she yells. “You’re gonna go away, and then you won’t be here no more, and it’ll be just like before!”

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“I wouldn’t say he’s kept me clean. He helps, but he’s not why I’m sober. You are.”
“Me?”
“And Madison,” I say. “This. That’s what has kept me clean.”

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“I wish shit wasn’t so weird,” he says eventually. “I wish you weren’t so distant.”

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jonathan via instagram: “he loves his big sis, but always seems a bit skeptical about her love language.”

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“I wasn’t where I should’ve been,” he chimes in. “I should’ve been with you, but I was…”
“Sick,” I say when he struggles for words.
“Sick,” he says.
“Did you have the tummy bug?” she asks, looking at him.

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She’s born at 6:07 in the evening. Exactly. Born on the fourth of July. They tell me you came to the hospital the next morning, as the sun was still rising outside.

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kennedy via instagram: “Maddie thinks the baby is one of her dolls.”

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“Ta-da!” Maddie’s excited yell shatters the moment as she runs into the room, dressed in her Breezeo costume. We’ve been home ten minutes and she’s already abandoned the snowflake getup. “Look, Daddy! We’re the same!”
Jonathan laughs. “We are.”

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“I think he’s going to ask your Aunt Meghan out.”
Her eyes widen. “Like on a date?”
“Yep,” I say.
“Oh, tell her she’s pretty!” Maddie yells, jumping around. “And bring flowers! Right, Daddy?”

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Your eyes are lighting up, and I know— god, I know— you’ll make a great father, one of the greatest, and you’ll love this little girl with every part of your soul.