Actually, one of the healthiest things a person can do is become easy to delight. Still stopping for weird clouds and dogs wearing bandanas and the smell of garlic cooking somewhere down the street.
The world already has enough cynicism. Be the person who still points at the moon.
There is a very specific female fatigue that comes from knowing exactly what is happening, explaining exactly what is happening, being told you are overreacting, and then watching exactly what is happening happen with excellent punctuality.
You’re not meant to live in survival mode forever. You’re not meant to constantly brace for the next problem, or feel guilty when things are calm. Peace is not a trap. Happiness is not temporary. You’ve just carried chaos for so long that you forgot what ease feels like.
oog walking alone.
dawn. early. everyone still sleeping. oog like this time. the world before anyone else touch it.
trail to east ridge. oog walk this trail maybe thousand time. know every rock. every turn. every tree that lean.
but today oog stop.
small flower. growing between two rock. right in the crack. where nothing should grow. no soil really. no room. just crack and stone and somehow this thing.
oog squat down. looking.
tiny purple thing. not even fully open. working on it. slow. pushing out between two thing that should have crushed it. but it found the crack. found the small impossible space where there just enough of everything to try.
oog sit on trail. looking at flower that nobody going to see. by tomorrow wind might take it. rain might flatten it. some animal might step on it. it don't know that. it just growing. in the crack. between the hard thing. because growing is what it do. not because anyone watching. not because anyone going to clap. just because the seed said YES and the crack said BARELY and that was enough. yes and barely. that the whole deal.
oog think about self. about all the crack oog been growing in. the crack between boy and man. between brother and almost-father. between scared and pretending not to be. between "oog don't know what oog doing" and "everyone counting on oog."
crack. all of it. no room. no soil really. just enough of everything to try.
and oog trying. every day. pushing out. slow. not even fully open yet.
maybe nobody going to see this version of oog. the becoming version. the between version. maybe by the time people look oog going to be the full thing and nobody going to know about the crack and the barely and the mornings where oog sat on trail staring at purple flower because oog felt seen by a plant.
that okay.
the flower don't need audience.
it just need the crack to keep being big enough.
and barely to keep being enough.
oog stand up. keep walking. leave flower there. growing. between the hard thing. in the impossible space.
like everything good.
like everything worth becoming.
love, oog