Garrett Keller

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

Officially at the age where I sneeze and my entire body hurts for the next 30 minutes. Time to up the life insurance

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

A mans belt is like a diary of their eating habits spanning the course of about 3 to 4 years

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

Times like these I wish I was a bears fan. Be a lot easier knowing you’re going to lose before the season even starts than being let down in the playoffs every year

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

Explain to me how any of that is on Rodgers. He missed on what two or three throws all night

[not bob kozlowski @notbobkoz]

Brewers might never have a bigger, clearer window to compete for a World Series (not playoffs, World Series)

A young, controllable, top rotation. A number of pre-arb or just entering arb position players. A deep pen.

If Mark doesnt open the wallet, just sell the team

[Aaron Nagler @AaronNagler]

Does one knee equal two feet or no? Leave it to the NFL to fuck up their own rule book.

[Ryan Wood @ByRyanWood]

The good news: Nothing wrong with #Packers that getting Aaron Rodgers back won't fix.

The bad news: Their future.

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

Nothing compares to the wrath of grandma when you forget to bring back her canning jars for the 47th time

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

First date number 7406 tonight. Maybe this will finally be the one that doesn’t just want me for my body.

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

Most ominous phrase at a brewers playoff game: me s bathroom; “ hey is this where all the dicks hang out?”

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

This is slightly embarrassing but I momentarily forgot that I’m an adult with no friends. So… anyone want to go to NLDS game 2 with me?

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

Apparently drunk Garrett likes to buy playoff tickets so at least that’s great for the bank account

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

You might as well format my sex tape as a gif

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

Ripping out a check from a checkbook is a damn art form

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

These days I get the most excitement out of seeing how much I saved with my grocery store loyalty card

[Sam Dekker @dekker]

It’s May 28, 2021, where is Ryan Braun? Need him to play the 2nd half of the season and get a true send-off with full capacity. Last years “thank you Ryan” tweet doesnt count. (I think he can also still rake at the plate so that would be cool too)

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

If less is more imagine how much more more will be

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

At what age do you stop telling yourself righty tighty, lefty loosey?

[Garrett Keller @gkeller24]

The dodgers will be paying their top 5 starters about 102 million this year. The brewers highest ever payroll was about 130 million