GlossaryForMums

Glossar-ease: To document the funny side of sleep deprivation, milk sick and watching your baby trying to latch on to your mother-in-law's boob.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Spar Break: The genuinely luxurious treat of popping to the shop to buy milk on your own while your partner has the baby.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Door Nail It: To successfully enter or leave a room without waking your sleeping baby.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Comfort Break: The crushing blow of having to part with your dressing gown because you can no longer justify not washing it.

[BabyCentre UK @babycentreuk]

Here's what you ACTUALLY need when staying on a maternity ward: http://t.co/OOADJiy5yx @glossaryformums #babycentreblog

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Creak Havoc: To walk up and down noisy stairs when your baby's asleep.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Napmare: A sleep wrestle between your baby and you that results in you wanting a glass of wine before midday.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Neck Brace: To hold the 'gazing down at your baby as they sleep in your lap' pose for too long, making it really painful to move.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Blog On: To scour the internet for anyone writing about parenting that makes you feel normal. @theuglyvolvo

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Nose Dive: To plunge your face into your baby's trousers in an attempt to locate the origin of a suspicious smell.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Feline Dance: To negotiate the house carrying your precious baby while the cat weaves relentlessly around your ankles.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Soil Association: To inextricably connect the smell of baby wipes with the smell of poo.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

The Right Number: The accumulation of how many times a mother says 'Right!' in order to chivvy herself through the day at home.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Clock Horror: The demolition of your sleep & feed routine the night the clocks go back.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Distractivity: Anything done with the purpose of making your baby forget or get over something.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Obstacle Curse: The debris of toys, muslins, wooden trolleys and baby seats that have replaced your living room carpet.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Crustache: A sheen of dried-on snot under your baby's nose.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

PooTube: Footage in which you accidentally capture your baby's 'straining to go' face.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Formul-ache: The battle to entice your baby into accepting a bottle.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Napsack: Your baby's sleeping bag.

[GlossaryForMums @glossaryformums]

Brown Study: The daily monitoring of the regularity, consistency and colour of poo.