GMPolice

Why fight crime when you can just tweet about it? Satire.

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

08457 90 90 90 - here's 10p Rangers fans, now fuck off and call the Samaritans. #KARMA #JellyAndIceCream

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

CALL 112: Multiple reports of huge Jelly & Ice Cream parties breaking out nationwide. Perpetrators wearing green and white hoops.

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

BREAKING NEWS: Greater Manchester Police have pledged a 500 man taskforce to help with the brick by brick demolition of Ibrox #KARMA

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 111 Lots of bankers typing on their Blackberrys at Piccadilly Station! Riot squad dispatched #noonelikesbankers

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 110 Escaped geriatric throwing a tantrum in Sky Studio. Did somebody miss their breakfast today Mike Summerbee? Cranky

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 109 Due to Manchester City Council cuts, the number you're calling is no longer available. Contact us by pigeon mail

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 108 Appeal for missing person, search continues, come home, where you are? Love you Owen. From a Mrs Hargreaves

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 107 Sightings of mysterious inbred caveman grunting in own feces spotted leaving Blackpool. Oops, sorry Charlie Adam

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 106 Andy Carroll & Luis Suarez spotted Merseyside kicking & biting the shit out of lampposts for 'preseason training'

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 105 Adrian Chiles spotted boarding next tram to Weatherfield. Fingers crossed. #corrietramcrash #gmp24

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 104 A disappointed Kerry Katona seen trying to snort snow off a city pavement w/ page from OK mag #uksnow #gmp24

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 103: Missing persons report. Described as greasy Messi wannabe w/ freakish adams apple. Answers to Cristiano #elclasico

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 102 Numerous reports of con artist active at MEN arena. UPDATE: Suspect found after blown over by a gust of wind.

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 101 Excessive bombing threats to Robin Hood airport. Meh, it's only Doncaster, nobody would notice #IAmSpartacus #gmp24

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 100 Man arrested by female officer for verbal abuse - it's not what he said, but the way he said it #gmp24

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 99 Numerous death threats to a Mr J. Redknapp from angry men #gmp24

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 98 Enquiry into who Bill Posters is and why he is being prosecuted #gmp24

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 97 Eleven men found lying on field without spines. All wearing England football kits. #gmp24

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 96 Vomit flash mob outside student union. UPDATE: Stand down, it's just freshers #gmp24

[GMPolice @gmp24_7]

Call 95 Disgruntled man unhappy that his suggestion "that they both die in blimp crash" not accepted for new BT ad #gmp24