g°mĂrk

Onstage silly talker. Founder-host @talesofwhatever. Writer @ shiny mags & dank webs. Award-shunning lunch critic. He/him. 🦉💙

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

IT A ROUND VEGETABLE FOR MAKE CHIPS

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@allth1ngsblades @workotv1867 Similar to how we’re jealous of you lot having made really good decisions about selling high and buying low-ish since dropping down - kills us to say but can’t fault your recent business model, ours has been dire for a decade

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@motelsiren seventeen hard returns got reduced to like three

this app really is dead

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@motelsiren banger, but the real red flag is any declared ‘favourite movie’

unless it’s Planes, Trains and Automobiles obviously

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@_owlornothing_ Have a banger, but if you see Danny there ffs don’t tell Owlstalk

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@SamWhyte “hardwork”

I mean sure, he’s already 12 tweets into the meltdown, but bruh - it fucking gives you the squiggly red line…christ, the absolute myopia to hit ignore

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

stop crying and fight your father

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

citation needed @coopuk

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@SamWhyte no kneecaps either, wtf is going on with those guys

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

behave, Smudger

[Sky Sports Football @SkyFootball]

Michael Smith TAKE A BOW! 🤯

Trust us, stay for that last replay 🤤

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@AdamJFarrer @hurricane_ros evil boring plans

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@hurricane_ros @AdamJFarrer literally makes your phone work worse as a phone, absolutely baffling behaviour

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@5tevieM (i mean all completely terrible obviously, grading it isn’t massively useful is it) (i hope you’re having a wonderful time!) (our main sponsor - big brackets - said we couldn’t go this year)

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

@5tevieM and yet still the leaf-munching stegosaurus to the “I do a comedy podcast” velociraptor

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

German word for that zen gap when dinner needs 20min more oven time and you’ve already washed the other 11 pans that got you here

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

“I will die on this hill, just don’t tell anyone I did”

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

but my horse loves it, I only have to thrash him when he behaves like a horse

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

equestrian gets to be a sport when every other sport has its core equipment - the ball, the javelin, the racquet - controlled remotely by a sentient, frightened and very depressed AI

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

thinking about moving to Florida after I let myself die y/n

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

Awesome, but imagine being one of the gasping climbers midway up and a drone just whizzes past you like ‘yeah I’m going straight there, inabit lads, stay toasty’ 🫣

[Caitlin Moran @caitlinmoran]

Drone footage so good that I, for one, now feel I don't need to climb Everest, so it's been a very efficient click.

[g°mĂrk @gomark]

🤌