Matt MacLean

Comedian. Only commits to bits.

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

Imagine finally opening your own dental practice after dreaming of it your whole life and NOT calling it "Manifest Dentistry"

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

My parents keep calling Kanye "cayenne west" which honestly fits, cus he's pretty spicy and hard for white people to digest

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

Selling my two tickets for @timheidecker at the Vic, who's thirsty out there??

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

@Sabra @Gr8Samaritans @TheRealTriscuit I like the red pepper. But I think you should treat the toppings like a free for all. To the victor go the spoils!

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

I imagine every magician had a pretty shitty childhood. 
That's why we should be nice to pickpocketers. There just magicians with REALLY shitty childhoods.

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

My GF and I tried choke sex recently.
That's where she gets really close to cumming and I... choke completely and can't finish the job.

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

me: *sees amber/silver alert sign on highway* "oh no! I should commit that to memory and be on the lookout."

my brain: delete info immediately. Load script for "I Dream of Jeannie" theme song.

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

@teaganfitz correct. *crosses arms*

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

@podimportant the announcer's "let's go!!" count is at least 6 in this NCAA frozen four game

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

If you think that's weird, I heard the Crazy Frog guy just sold an opera.

[Variety @Variety]

Hans Zimmer Explores a New Composing Frontier: Smartphone Ringtones https://t.co/mIapEfL22t

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

No matter where you sit in church, this lady will be there.

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

Finally overcame the last obstacle between me and headlining at the cellar

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

@KristinCarnes2 Exactly. Knick knacks is right there. And so much more fun.

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

Reading the word "tchotchkes" is visually traumatic

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

@Quinny333 @notjonbenet Very true. Could be like a fish market situation where raw smells worse

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

@sjkoltes @SotaStickCo Absolutely filthy!

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

"Fuck you! ROBBERY!" - me when the only artist I've heard in the category doesn't win #GRAMMYs

[Matt MacLean @goodonematty]

@notjonbenet Honestly the only thing I have to promote for summer 2021 as well, so this holds up well.

[The Great Samaritans Podcast @Gr8Samaritans]

Great Samaritans Great Moments: @goodonematty drops by the pod to talk to us about his favorite @Sabra hummus, and we reach out to them to see if they are doing okay