laura

[laura @gora_is_evil]

You lost your 20s to the pandemic? Well I lost my 20s to an evil witch that lives on my street because I kept ding dong ditching her. I’m 80 now

[laura @gora_is_evil]

Working on my budget!

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

There should be an Oktoberfest for Diet Coke

[laura @gora_is_evil]

Apparently there’s a doppelgänger of me going around my city and I’m scared to meet them cause what if they’re ugly

[laura @gora_is_evil]

I know sneezing is natural and normal but every time someone sneeze I want to growl. I shake with fury. don’t do that ever again

[laura @gora_is_evil]

I’d get probed by an alien if it was free

[laura @gora_is_evil]

when I die bury me in Marimekko so the anthropologists know I was a little bit kooky & aloof

[laura @gora_is_evil]

Kate McKinnon is always making the face I make when I’m trying to explode someone with my psychic powers

[laura @gora_is_evil]

I be sucking ketchup out the bottle like a mosquito

[laura @gora_is_evil]

I think they should have just normal girls at the Olympics. Not like in the events or anything, just kinda standing there not doing anything interesting and everyone’s going “whats that normal girls deal?”

[laura @gora_is_evil]

Backseat window decal like the one of queen Elizabeth waving except it’s JFK on the day of his assassination

[laura @gora_is_evil]

If copper is so valuable then why has no one ever sold Lady Liberty to a junk yard? The chicks made of the stuff!

[laura @gora_is_evil]

When one unabomber dies another unabomber rises from its ashes to take its place

[laura @gora_is_evil]

Mr Popper’s Penguins parody movie about a man who is willed six queer strippers. Call it Mr Popper’s Poppers

[laura @gora_is_evil]

I don’t have road rage I have road gentle parenting. When I say “I hope you get in a wreck and die” I mean it in a natural consequences way

[laura @gora_is_evil]

i love when face wash says "gentle" on it as if im not going to use it to scrub my face with the power of a sandblaster and 170° water

[laura @gora_is_evil]

Im gonna krill myself (eat lots of very small shrimp until I pass out)

[laura @gora_is_evil]

Confronting unhealthy beauty standards by being disgusting to look at

[laura @gora_is_evil]

Love that tv show The Queens Gambino about an italian drug addict playing chess

[laura @gora_is_evil]

@lilhumph Tragedy…… so sexy

[laura @gora_is_evil]

@bennett_725 Actually it’s only like three main characters sorry. I didn’t read your tweet close enough you can just block me now

[laura @gora_is_evil]

@bennett_725 Franny and Zoey and I’m not even kidding. If you can make it through, it’s even good. If you can’t…. You die actually. It’s like a chain email