Gormlessly

World Champion Dishwasher Stacker 2012. Global Ambassador for Cockaleekie Soup. Disgraced Former President of The Mork & Mindy Fanclub.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

I urgently need to know EVERYTHING about this

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

Grown ups obsessed with Disney or tattoos... who hurt you?!

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

@garlandsmith Good to know. Butternut squash soup for lunch means I'm back on the waggon!

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

As someone who has been vegetarian for 7 years, the massive shish kebab I demolished earlier suggests I'm now entering the 'full on fuckthisshit mental breakdown' phase of my 40's. Goody.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

I've downloaded that other app. I am consumed by nostalgia and expectation. Same handle. God I hope there's nudes.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

Prick

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

Probably.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

But, contrary to expectation, the future was not bright. And it was definitely not Orange.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

Good to see the youngest doing her old man proud at her school disco tonight

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

@windust No, no. As in sheer elation at having cancelled plans.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

All of my plans for today have been cancelled before I've even gotten out of bed. I've never tried crack but, as an introvert, I imagine the feeling is similar.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

Wait til someone tells him about the subset of accountants, propping up a system that profits from helping the most wealthy avoid paying their share of tax.

Alas, this is what everyone else is up against.

[Rishi Sunak @RishiSunak]

This is what we’re up against.

The Labour Party, a subset of lawyers, criminal gangs - they're all on the same side, propping up a system of exploitation that profits from getting people to the UK illegally.

I have a plan to stop it.

Here’s how 🧵

https://t.co/ez3rYIU0uQ

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

And a typo! This would never have happened in 2011

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

I. Am. On. A train.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

See. This used to he golden content. What happened to you people?

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I had to ask someone their name 4 times today. My brain is so full of 90's footballers and song lyrics I should be registered disabled.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

Nobody:

LinkedIn: Hi, I'm Rex and I'm a super successful dude. Your profile is intriguing and I'd love share ideas. Can I call you tomorrow at 5.45am after my open water swim?

@StateOfLinkedIn

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

Sunday snoozin wit ma hoominz

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

Wtf?! Come on. Anyone can do it with a satellite tracking system for help. It's the ones that made it without the tracking system that deserve the applause. Jeez.

[Gormlessly @gormlessly]

I'm going to be boycotting Pointless Celebrities and Not Going Out today.

Nothing to do with Lineker. They're just really shit.