Partner's Dad refers to his neighbour as 'Elton'. Always thought it was an odd name for a 70 year old woman. Walked past her a few weeks back and said 'Morning Elton'. As you guessed her name is Janet, he just thinks she looks like Elton John. Can't look her in the eyes now.
Accidentally switched the boiler off by nudging the power switch. A bit later, I noticed the boiler had stopped working so arranged for a gas engineer to visit. He turned the switch back on and charged me for the call out. I've got a degree in electrical engineering.
Two kids from junior school snowballed me today, I ran for it and hid behind a wall outside school. I made rock hard snowballs and waited for them. I pounded the little bastards until their teacher came out. I'm 64 and feel fucking great, but I will change my route now.