Graeme Lees

Dad, husband, geek, engineer and purveyor of fine dad jokes.

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

@chasingscratch0 @CarlsPlace_Golf Did you source the materials from Carl's Place, for Carl's Place, just because of the name? #LGLG

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

Aurora Borealis in Cambuslang tonight

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

@RabVanLadMan Also mad that this fella thinks he's only paying an extra 4p in every £100. Even worse that he thinks this'll make things fair.

[Iona Stephen @Iona_Stephen]

Re tweet if you fancy a game at the home of golf in 2024 😍🤞🏼

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

Love this. So true.

[HLTCO @HLTCO]

What a fantastic video and message this is from Norwich City. Check in on the people you care about.

[Blair Wheeler @BlairjWheeler]

My wife told me “if you hit 10k followers on Twitter (X) you can go to the Ryder Cup at Bethpage no questions asked”

I’m coming to you in my time of need.

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

Nice to see England have learned their lesson when it comes to the high tackle 👀

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

3, 3, C

[Wise Philosophy @Wise1Philosophy]

I’m 3, 3, C.
What are you?

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

Easily the best description of Trump I've ever read. Staggeringly brutal but what makes it so good is it nails exactly how I feel about him and it doesn't appear to exaggerate in any way.

[CALL TO ACTIVISM @CalltoActivism]

A British writer penned the best description of Donald Trump I’ve ever read:

“Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?”

A few things spring to mind. Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace – all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.

Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is – his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.

Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.

And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff – the Queensberry rules of basic decency – and he breaks them all. He punches downwards – which a gentleman should, would, could never do – and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless – and he kicks them when they are down.

So the fact that a significant minority – perhaps a third – of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think ‘Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:

• Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.

• You don’t need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.

This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum. God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws – he would make a Trump.

And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish: ‘My God… what… have… I… created?' If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set.”

-Nate White

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

PLEASE RETWEET EVERYONE. Twitter, do your thing.

Still getting nowhere. @virginmedia @SkyHelpTeam

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

@BBCWatchdog @Ofcom
How @virginmedia have ruined 2 weeks and cost me hundreds of pounds and provided nothing. A thread.....

21st June - I use a comparison website to check broadband deals as Sky prices are rising.... Input my details allowing providers to contact me. (1/13)

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

Summary: 6 weeks, around £200 down from where I was already (when trying to reduce costs), and now no broadband/phone service at all and lost my home phone number @virginmedia - sort this out ASAP. Provide me with mobile broadband and reimburse me please. (13/13)

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

@BBCWatchdog @Ofcom
How @virginmedia have ruined 2 weeks and cost me hundreds of pounds and provided nothing. A thread.....

21st June - I use a comparison website to check broadband deals as Sky prices are rising.... Input my details allowing providers to contact me. (1/13)

[Graeme Lees @graemelees]

Then disaster - phone line drops. Given I've just given them my number I expect a call back. Then I realise it's 8.03pm and they close at 8pm. No call back. 4.5 hours on the phone to Virgin today and zero progress. (12/13)