Bryan Green

In it for the bluebird...

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

All the money...and all that cable providing... but #TimeWarner still hasn't made a funny or slightly interesting commercial.

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

#WhenIWasYourAge, #selfies were a waste of film.

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

#ALittleBitCountry is way too much country.

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

Fuck #GunControl! The 2nd Amendment defends every citizen's right to bear arms!
And ammunition?
...
Bullets are fair Game! #BulletControl

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

#Energizer makes brand new batteries using 4% #recycledbatteries that make them 20% more money while disposing their #hazardouswaste!

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

Every shoe is a #slipon.

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

I was a #candy dispenser that put on a happy face and provided a source of sugar coated joy that I will never truly experience again.

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

"What's this? Some sort of doll or mannequin covered with foliage? Oh... My EARTHLY shit FUCK! NOPE! Totes a #DeadBody!" #ForensicFiles

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

My #Halloween wish is that a #Poltergeist will haunt my house so I'll have someone to play catch with for once. #Lonely

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

Liking big butts is simple. Not being able to lie is not just a funny premise for a film, but a tragedy...#PoorSirMixALot

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

Lighting your #cigarettes with matches makes you look real cool until it is a little breezy out.

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

My #computercrashed... Everyone survived. Another #hitandrun. It's always my fault.

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

Dear #Advil,
Vicodin, Codeine, Oxycontin, Dilaudid, Percocet, Morphine, Demerol, Heroin... All work better than you.
Unfortunately,
😞

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

A hotel room is not a house. A motel room is not a house. But the person stealing my drugs/cleaning up is #housekeeping? #roomswooping

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

ProbablyNotAGoodThing to be outpacing my #DVR...

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

"#Forensics and evidence never lie or tell stories..." -Every Person at the End of #ForensicFiles

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

#Dudine...
A dude?
A female dude!

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

Does the executioner swab the arm of an inmate sentenced to death with rubbing alcohol before administering their #Lethalinjection?

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

You became my atmosphere...
So now that you're gone,
I can't breathe anymore.

[Bryan Green @GreeBry]

#Commercials and #ads are way more terrible when you're broke and unable to afford buying any of the annoying shit that catches your eye.