Greg Howard

I'm taller than Tom Cruise, so that's something.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Easter falls on April 1st this year. So remember: that entire day, don't believe anyone who claims that the Messiah has actually returned.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

@kawika @PingYourBrain @spartacushobbs @LisaKayHawes @eskeymo @GregLHammond @jameskick Ang Lee’s The Hulk. And being serious here: the Paul Haggis Best Picture winner “Crash.”

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

@BurtonSays Cab?!

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Props to this barber by chatting me up about Game of Thrones BEFORE asking if I like sports, delaying the awkward pause.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

"Wasn't BORN yet" I growl at my millennial employees when they ask if Bryan Adams was right about the merits of the Summer of '69.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

I like "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" because it's about another guy who goes to sleep too early, but wants to change.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Weird, Shailene Woodley won't accept my LinkedIn request.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Didn't vote for Trump, but would've if he made the rest of the world say "take out food" instead of "take away." U.S. reigns supreme here.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Immigration guy stares at my old passport photo, then at me, then back again: "Well...we all change."

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

MY locker room talk was "Please stop snapping me with that towel."

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Would like inauguration to have "Mission: Impossible" reveal where Hillary rips off her mask and she's been Michelle Obama all along.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Can we factcheck the assertion that Spielberg's "Lincoln" is "wonderful"?

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

"Uh I don't think you're LIKE me at all. Why don't you leave me out of your drama and hmu when you turn 18." -- White Winged Dove

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

C'mon, Hilary, just keep breathing for 2 more months. Then you can overheat like a packet of ramen if it pleases you.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Based on preliminary findings at the gym today, I'm the only pasty white guy who didn't go on a tat binge in the last 15 years.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Gotten to a point in life where I'm seriously thinking of buying emojis.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

You think your day can't get any weirder, and then you hear a cover of "Cruella De Vil" by Selena Gomez that you really like.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

"We'll have time for coffee flavored kisses/And a bit of conversation"--she's taking the last train from Clarkesville for you! Step it up.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Looking forward to updating my Java everytime I log into LinkedIn.

[Greg Howard @greglhoward]

Three dots, continually appearing then reappearing from the text window, is the new pregnant pause.