Gregory Sheldon

Reformed Yankee. Criminal defense attorney. Vinyl enthusiast. Snarky bastard.

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

I am WAIT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE TWO OPENING BANDS years old.

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

Holy shit Twitter is still a thing what the fuck

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

This person used to remind the teacher s/he forgot to assign homework

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

Controversial, but I would like to come out strongly against being shot and killed by another lawyer during a deposition

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

So apparently don’t tell the judge “I’m so glad this had a happy ending” in a massage parlor case.

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

These are difficult, divided times but I think we can all agree that Tony Romo just needs to shut the fuck up.

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

I can’t believe there’s only 63 more days left in January

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

I feel confident saying no Amazon, no this deal is not for me.

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

No one has ever seen A Christmas Story straight through

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

@RVACoffeeStain But the other side of Forest Hill Avenue doesn’t have one oh wait it’s about to

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

Madonna apparently doesn’t know I have a bedtime.

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

@defencelawyer Smoked turkey breast is done-

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

Serving canned cranberry sauce is pretty much a hate crime.

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

@defencelawyer Thanks so much. My annual dinner plate photo will be posted this evening. :)

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

Never trust a big butt and a smile, especially on Thanksgiving. #MacysParade

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

@mnsotasportsgal The whitest band for the whitest bread

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

I don’t remember the last time something made as much sense to me as Chicago on the Wonder Bread float does right now. #MacysParade

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

This wine is the perfect pairing for like everyone’s Thanksgiving dinner

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

I always get stuck at the ATM behind the guy refinancing his mortgage

[Gregory Sheldon @gregorysheldon]

Fuck yeah, Virginia. #Election2023