Greg Thornton

Comedy Writer (Aspiring
..lol)

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

Movies growing up created a generation of now adults who have an irrational fear of quicksand. Quicksand, D.A.R.E, and "stop, drop, and roll" really had a Harambe grip on kids in the 90's.

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

To all of you who still mess with corn dogs...how's life going for you? Corn dogs are the "food" that other countries use as an example when talking about the trash that Americans consume. Them thangs were like giant vienna sausages too...🤢🤮

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

You can't trust the $1 bills that come out of Atlanta.

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

If anyone around you ever uses the term "broad day" just know whatever event took place, was an egregious act. No good comes from a story that includes the term "broad day".

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

Hotel electric outlets need to do kegels.

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

If you are hating your life...just remember, you're in the top 1% of all Walmart shoppers by just wearing clothes to the store.

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

It blows my mind that people will stop somewhere just for a drink when they're thirsty...like my mom will stop at McDonald's just to grab a coke.

Why don't y'all just take your asses home and drink some water!

Us introverts aren't trying to take up more time than we need to lol

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

@KarlousM The real ones still do my boi! Little hands make everything look big 😂😂😂

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

@lilduval With that being said....drunk you is not your friend. Drunk you will hit you with that double tap..."oh $95 for a gourmet basket of fries...sure!" Now you fat AND broke.

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

@TamarBraxtonHer Idk...my shower singing is top notch...

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

Just watched the Nathan's hotdog eating contest...the announcer said that the contest is "what brings the country together"....this is what America is known for....glizzy gobbling...

Dude ate 63 glizzies on TV...swallowed like 3 at a time...smh

@MrGo30 @andrewschulz @KarlousM

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

*black folk whenever they do anything for you...no matter how small*

"Uhh huhh...don't say I never do nothing for you"

Literally just said this to my dog after giving him a piece of ice.

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

Tonight I was in an argument with my wife because I said that I'm smarter than her. Of course, due to my genius level intellect, I won the fight.

With that being said...does anyone have a couch that I can crash on tonight?

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

Why is it that when I talk about the Caribbean, I pronounce it "Caribbean"...but when I talk about Pirate's of The Caribbean, I pronounce it "Caribbean"??? (If you read them differently, you have a negative IQ like me.

Thanks a lot @chrisdcomedy

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

Okay, I'm no expert, but "you guys's" can't be grammatically correct.

Just say "all'a'y'all" like the rest of us degenerates.

While we're on the topic, if you say "axe" when you mean "ask", how's life going for you? I'm worried about all'a'y'all frfr.

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

Okay sooo....I thought I was black, until a co-worker mentioned Hennessey Margaritas....bro....why are we like this.

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

@ChiefKeith757 😂😂😂😂

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

This whole zodiac/astrology craze has gone too far. Just saw a post asking "are you a May Gemini or a June Gemini?" 😳 if you feel the need to specify, you care TOO much...probably need to just avoid all Gemini's.

Y'all ain't got nothing on us January Capriorns anyway.

[Greg Thornton @gregthornton777]

COVID finally caught me slacking. Even with the shot, this is no joke. Now I'm cooped up in the bedroom binge watching "The Walking Dead"...which seems ironic and fitting given my current situation.

#COVID #TWD #CovidIsntOver