blood red like roses
hold the urge
find your peace
breath
but then here i am
knife in hand
i just want it out
whatever this sickness is
i want to purge it out of me like a parasite
but i know its just me.
maybe this time ill be able to let go of you, maybe this way i can stop thinking of you..
ha how silly does that sound. to think ill ever be able to replace you.
he tells me he loves me and i feel nothing, i lay next to him wishing he was you, when he holds me i feel ashamed, it makes me sick to be this person, unable to love someone else, knowing you don’t love me, let alone like me. oh how i wish he was you.
when i’m with you my brain is quiet, my palms stop sweating, and my legs stop shaking. as if i’ve taken a hit of morphine straight into my veins.
calm.
quiet.
peace.
how could i not fall in love with your presence?
reading our old conversations, i can still hear your voice ring in my ear like a bell.. sometimes i can mimic the feeling of your skin against mine, but yours is so much softer.
one more shot oughta set me straight,
i destroy my body to quiet my brain..
i know i’m prolonging my own suffering, but whats it matter when it never seems to end anyway?
~i miss him~
i miss the way his sweet lies felt in my ears
i miss the taste of his saliva as our lips collided and our tongues intertwined
i miss the rush i got any time i was with him
i miss the way he pretended to like me more than the other girls that were so much prettier..