👽

double slop Jones comin at you live from the 815

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

Bout to work security for a Styx concert. Can't wait to tell Barbra that no, she can't get backstage for three pieces of hard candy.

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

Hetalia fans vs Hamilton fans death match

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

tw mythbusters

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

an emotional breakdown about how life will never be as blissfully simple as it was during childhood brought on by a mythbusters marathon on the discovery channel

[darren @funs0ver]

crazy how before february 26, 2022 I had never read the sentence “mosh for ukraine” once in my life

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

saw a dude wearing a blazer, button down, and jeans walking towards me and my first thought was "this silicone valley abortion". starting to think /i'm/ the asshole.

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

at the risk of sounding midwestern, california is disturbingly hilly and I've yet to see one motherfucker from this state with an ounce of urgency

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

Ketos one shot a slab of butter and call it toast

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

Labor day? More like emotional labor day the way my bf has to drag my unstable ass through daily life

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

I'm like a week and a half away from introducing my nipples to the jewel osco

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

welcome to Gap Starbucks would you like a khaki chino or whatever

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

just got my shit rocked so hard by a nap that the only thing my brain could conjure was abba. head empty, just the chorus of fernando on loop for ten minutes

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

two fire signs dating is him repeatedly locking me out of the car and me putting one of his wiper blades up and starting to walk home and him driving a block to catch me and not fully stopping the car to let me in and us arguing for 5 full min about who was putting the wiper down

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

senor doñuts

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

"bUt loOsiNg aN hOuR hUrTs oUr hEaLtH!!1!" Yeah okay and never seeing the sun puts me permanently in seasonal depression and makes me want to kms 100% of the time, so you can take my ONE HOUR of sleep if you just never fucking set the clocks back in October you fucking dunces

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

REALLY wish the mfers could realize that we need to KEEP daylight savings and get rid of standard time. I refuse to have it be night at 4pm for the whole year.

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

@powderviolence Your hairdresser didn't"accidentally" mess up your rat tail, she took one look at you and decided to perform an act of community service

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

So pumped that my first attempt at cooking was a success. Still can't plate, but at least it tastes good 😅 massive shout out to @sortedfood , so happy to get their cookbook for Christmas!! (Asparagus with seaweed crusted tofu and roasted potatoes 💃)

[bæ J @ajabdullah_]

instagram tomorrow

[HMT @HotMusicTakes]

Tech Guy in Movie " Uh You're gonna wanna See this "

* Turns Screen to Action Guy in Movie*

Tech Guy " Theyre Overriding the Mainframe "

Action Guy " Uh in English Four Eyes "

Tech Guy " They Fuckin our Pussys.!! "

Action Guy "Now you're Speakin my Language " *Cocks Gun*

[👽 @grenadeskipper]

It's proof that j*hn*th*n and I are in a queer relationship despite being """oppositely""" gendered bc I taught him how to drive and he convinced me to start therapy