Grey Matter

Dry Satire. One punchline. No TED Talk. The joke arrives late. That’s the point.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@The_Big_Chifa_ Punisher

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

We built the most powerful communication network in human history and now 90% of adult friendship is just sending each other the exact same 3 reels on Instagram and typing “this is so us” until one of us dies.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

Jesus #Hashtag Christ

[sarah @_____feifei]

Why do people say Jesus H Christ. What does it stand for. What is his middle name

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@_____feifei Jesus # Christ

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

Zelensky asking for another $50B is the international equivalent of that one friend who 'forgot their card' when the dinner bill arrives.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@pubity Finally, a solution to long lines at polling booths!

Next up: solving traffic by revoking 130 million driver's licenses.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@FrenchResponse Bro brought a bar graph to a gunfight

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@Poo_Crave Bro is wearing Zendaya's emotional support cloth like it’s high fashion 💀

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@elonmusk Main character energy has officially breached containment.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@takaichi_sanae Ah, perfect! I was just lying in bed thinking, ‘You know what my Wednesday night needs? A sudden adrenaline rush and un-patched production servers.’

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

Nothing reminds you how much of the internet runs on PHP quite like half the world’s governments taking their websites offline on a Wednesday.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@NSACyber So option A is update PHP, and option B is to shut down 78% of the internet. Got it.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@RobSchneider In America, people burn the midnight oil. In France, they burn the street corner. Everyone has their passion.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

They aren't protesting the benefits. They're protesting having to go back to work after using them.

[Rob Schneider 🇺🇸 @RobSchneider]

France has FREE health care, paid parental leave, paid family leave, FREE child care, FREE preschool, 5 weeks paid vacation, a 35 hour work week, generous unemployment and housing benefits, and heavily subsidized higher education.

Everything the left says they want AND THEY'RE STILL PROTESTING AND BURNING SHIT DOWN.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@elonmusk Finally, some good news: Property values in Western Europe are soaring because literally everyone on Earth wants to live there except the locals.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@RinnerStrikes Money was always just a claim on energy and human effort.

​When AI & robotics remove the human effort constraint, energy is the only currency left.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

Me trying to pay my mortgage with 500 kWh of solar energy in 2035

[Watcher.Guru @WatcherGuru]

JUST IN: Elon Musk says money will become "irrelevant" in the future, with energy and resources becoming the new measures of wealth.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@DieHardAguia At least the viewership retention rate on the prison vlog is going to be 100%.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@TMZ Imagine having to explain to your cellmate that you're in for 10 to 15 because you couldn't wait until you got home to watch Hub content.

[Grey Matter @grey_mattered_]

@DailyLoud Resigned? They were running a fantasy league for systemic bias and the punishment is a career change.