Grey☕️🥭『🍉』

transneutral nonbinary who has given up on being better & wants a place to vent, sh/edtwt, 170cm bmi:?? pro recovery & not fatphobic @greynightagain

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

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･✦｡˚open for more˚｡✦･

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

I hope I am killed during my walk to the kitchen

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

this disorder just keeps evolving & tearing me apart huh

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

i'm in so much physical pain

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

some part of me wants to just accept defeat
try to head to bed & sleep
continuing tomorrow as if acting like today didnt happen

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

might've actually binged Binged today & i dont wanna use that word lightly at all
like volume, desire & hunger all exceed extreme hunger
i did get idk 1/3 of some up, take a break & then kept eating more & more which i cant get up & out at all rn

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

some part of me wants to try to use any method to get literally anything up so i don't have to digest the kcals but time is literally ticking

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

idk my bmi but i can physically feel my own chestbones a lot which gives me comfort
still absolutely hate my thighs but im trying my best to not think about that or else i will spiral-

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

existing feels disgusting

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

actually 1 thing that feels simple enough to mention was when adjusting height of my table it fell over & crushed my finger pretty badly-
it was more shock impact than heavy impact so in the moment everything felt horrendous
but rn finger is fine, only discolored without any pain

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

absolute horrible miserable day
i stayed home but still so much happened & i dont even know where to begin

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

anygays
spinach soup YUMMY (っ๑˘ڡ˘๑ς)

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

omfg why is it almost 4am already

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

i am so fragile right now that i acnt even joke to cope with it

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

if i received a hug right now & felt physical warmth from it then i would burst to tears

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

i dont think i will ever to dig up & ponder how / why i never feel safe falling asleep anywhere longer than simple nap
it is too much to handle
cause why WHY even during childhood did i keep staying awake sitting by the floor looking at my bed wondering why it wasnt safe

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

i HATE how i have to be drunk is what i need to have my own bed at my own place to feel comforting & safe
i am 24 years old & finally when i am being drunk is when i feel safe in my own bed & finally feel able to receive the comfort it give simply cause it IS MY OWN BED

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

that is genuinely so ridiculous that despite how drunk i am ( yes i've drank more ) it is something i can realize

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

mostly economic wise but also heavy LIKE INCREDIBLE HEAVY influence is medical trauma with how substance affects me
otherwise omfg i wish i could be tipsy or even drunk to help me fall asleep
like not even stay sleep just simply fall asleep

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

i hope i dont wake up tomorrow like all nights
but it is comforting i am able to pass out easier tonight compared to other nights

[Grey☕️🥭『🍉』 @greydayagain]

i hope i dont wake up tomorrow like all nights
but it is comforting i am able to pass out easier tonight compared to other nights