Hank Mardukas

John Summit is my fuckin boy

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

This was for Marshall Henderson #hottytoddy

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

Notre Dame is the Dallas Cowboys of College Football. Perpetually overrated, talked about nationally, and never actually that good but will win 9-10 games and Joel Klatt will suck them off for the next 12 weeks

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

So apparently bringing zyns to the UK is a big no no

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

@_bryce_young if you dab when you score the first TD of the season the entire city of Charlotte will love you #lookatmydab

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

Convinced I could play in the WNBA (played intramural and dropped 10 once)

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

Imagine giving a caveman a 60mg XR addy and watching him do cave drawings

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

@WalterPicksApp Nico Collins

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

@midsmoker34 Would be even harder if you were in it midsmoker

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

If Trump wins he owes 50 cent a cabinet position. Those Many Men memes go crazy

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

Getting to my barbershop 20 minutes early so I can pound free whiskey while I wait

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

@pissboymcgee Stanley Yelnats approves this message

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

So drunk my Face ID doesn’t work anymore

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

@BarstoolBigCat It ain’t easy being cheesy

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

Nothing better than shitting on company time

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

Everyone thinks they can drink like they used to until they have 6 glasses of wine at dinner and have to go to work in the morning

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

@karenmotherof2 Karen, you mean you aren’t a mom of two crazy boys? I don’t know who you are anymore

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

Tostitos’ Hint of Lime chips are absolutely incredible but their salsa is so ass. Imagine how much damage those bad boys could do with a restaurant quality salsa

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

@midsmoker34 Do the joint KFC/Long John Silvers share the same fryers for chicken & fish? Asking for a friend

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

Got asked if I was a vegan today while I made a salad at Whole Foods.

I’ve never felt so insulted in my life

[Hank Mardukas @gundeeznuts1]

Pro tip: if you’re at a coffee shop and the barista is black, don’t trigger the barista by ordering your coffee black. Order it African American.