Gustavo Granados

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

If I pour superglue into a non-stick frying pan, somebody is going to be wrong, right? http://t.co/BWEFyXCfAk

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

I'd rather see someone on the street coming towards me with a knife than a clipboard. http://t.co/bGQTlgsLb9

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

Someday I wish to experience the moment of joy that seems to only exist in Old Navy commercials. http://t.co/e5vgX8Br9U

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

I need to stop asking strangers if they're ticklish, and just start tickling them. http://t.co/exGUefS9O4

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

http://t.co/vswdTYlBsO Note: September 2, 2010 will be 90210. Plan jokes accordingly.

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

http://t.co/LnjK8GaV1s There is nothing worse than watching the new guy at Subway make your sandwich.

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

That thing your kid said wasn't funny. http://t.co/ABQgnTBM2b

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

Great... This guy double parked his porsche, and now I've got paint all in my keys. http://t.co/RSOL9eyknr

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

http://t.co/2uiM23oldP I just wanna make a lot of money and not do very much, is that so wrong?

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

http://t.co/Ppn1FFqOgq My phone just "autocorrected" the word 'Dicks' to the word 'Sucks'... Yeah. it gets it.

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

"It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos http://t.co/8w9Z69E09n

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

Is there anything sexier than a woman who reads? Yes: Models. http://t.co/B67An4zmdl

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. http://t.co/dKzv082zmX

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

"I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession http://t.co/TA03xkInip

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

http://t.co/R7C8UexiGh Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass.

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to "cheek his paperwork". http://t.co/I239z63TVI

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

http://t.co/dEnSJ1IVxj I call seahorses just 'horses' and the brown, cloppity ones 'landhorses'.

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell. http://t.co/H6bBZCiE8R

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

http://t.co/KcgrrqVwXN No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby.

[Gustavo Granados @gus_gran]

I'm drowning my self in coke right now. Not the drug. The drink. Nah jk it's the drug. http://t.co/x8ZTiz8L