Grace Wilkerson

if I were an ice cream flavor, I'd be banana. You think it's going to be subtle... and then it's just not. 🍌 🍦

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

Walked into a coffee shop today and was absolutely positive it was bring your child to work day... then an HOUR later I realized that, no Grace, you’re just old now.

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

Being a 5w4 is like having a constant inner dialogue over the pros and cons of buying $1 Aldi flour vs. ordering $20 tippo 00 flour from Italy.

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

As fall approaches let’s all remember what’s important in life:
Say no to jeggings.
Leggings aren’t pants (thank you Blair Waldorf).

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

Sour patch kids and Chardonnay 👌🏼. You’re welcome.

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

Updating my dating profile to.
“Hi, I’m Grace. I’m amazing and irresistible and the gift you don’t deserve.”
If they don’t get the joke, well that’s a quick weed out 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

When in doubt if someone is an introvert or an extrovert, check the brightness level on their phone.

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

I’m pretty sure my five thinks my four wing is pathetic and my four wing thinks my five just really doesn’t understand

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

In case you didn’t know, there’s a nifty little device on your car that lets people know you’re turning

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

Thought I was getting the corona virus and then realized it was poison ivy. On another, completely unrelated note, don’t go tromping through the woods in a bathing suit.

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

I may have just poured water down my ear instead of my mouth. Happy Monday.

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

I can’t wait to see everybody’s mask tan lines when they get back from the beach

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

If I sent you a link don’t open it. Someone hacked my account

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

Looking at new iphones feels like looking for an engagement ring, yet knowing you’ll be divorced in two years.

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

Mamie: “Did you get that post I sent you?”
Me: “No, I keep all my notifications off” (And my phone is always on silent, but that’s irrelevant)
* when you have a five wing, but your sister’s a six

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

I’m not THAT introverted. I’m like 70:30. *takes ANOTHER personality test*
Results: 90% introverted, 10% extroverted

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

I’m not absent minded, I’m absent bodied. I’m thinking about a lot of things- I’m just not thinking about what I’m currently doing or where I currently am.

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

*gyms close
Me: I’m gonna give myself a break and do yoga instead
*proceeds to (shocker) overdo it and injures self
*funfact: over-stretching actually is a thing
Who injures themselves doing yoga?

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

Why is it that in movies or tv shows, that character that’s consumedly angsty, somewhat psychotic, slightly controlling, and mildly narcissistic is simply irresistible, yet in real life you know you absolutely would not stand such a person?

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

I’m gonna need some serious alone time after this quarantine

[Grace Wilkerson @gwillikers_]

At what point does stir crazy become stir insane?