Classically educated religion, philosophy, and psychology nerd. Art/book lover. Cradle Catholic raised in the occult, reverting to my surprise. Queer/celibate.
@JoNExfundz Eh, for me it can be an authority issue.
If I don't understand why something should be done, it takes superhuman strength to get me to do it.
Doing things that seem absurd or counterproductive feels like lying to me; hate it, struggle to do it.
But knowing why helps with that.
@made_in_cosmos Oh, it's huge. Modelling gets passed down through generations, and we're all giving and reading various social signals all the time.
Similarly, if we don't fit, we're told. That might be cruel, or it might be good-natured joshing, like my family calling me a 'city girl' as a kid.
@xthemasterand It really is a gift. When combating social anxiety, they often tell you, "No one's looking! No one cares! Don't worry!" But if you're a reasonably attractive young woman, they DO look and they DO care.
Now that I'm older, I can schlub up and be invisible. Glad you enjoy it too.
@xthemasterand@MbProfesora Honestly, after all the super-airbrushed and filtered skin in the media/online, I've been genuinely enjoying visible skin imperfections on myself and others for years now.
You look human. Humans are awesome.
Rheumatois arthritis test came back. Negative. No one's surprised.
Lupus test hasn't come back yet.
But I was hospitalized for kidney pain and a UTI caught despite celibacy and OTT evacuative hygiene the same week as a breast cancer scare this month.
Might not be lupus. But...
@xthemasterand That's the ideal, yes. But I don't think we're supposed to deny or ignore the emotions we have, either. We should just act despite them when good needs to be done.
And when we *can* act despite the fear, anyway; these things take practice to do consistently. God knows that.
150/130 blood pressure today.
Well. That explains the shaking hands.
But not the rash or trouble breathing.
Testing for lupus and RA, the lupus being more likely. Looking into MCAS too, but I need a specialist for that.
These, we can test today.
@ThatGuyWhoSaysW Could be. That's basically what MCAS is.
My most recent allergy blood test came back showing relatively few proper allergies, mind you. But that plus very frequent allergic reactions is characteristic of MCAS, in particular.
It's all autoimmune anyway, even ordinary allergies.