bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches)

weird w food but anti-fatphobia ♡ part of a neurodivergent dissociative system. complexly traumatised, chronically crippled, & always in crisis ✌🏳️‍🌈♿🏳️‍⚧️

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

I miss the old moots. Where is everyone 😭

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

Haven't seen him since June and keep cancelling appointments even now that my old doctor (aka the infamous "Dr. H") agreed to see me again. I'm telling myself it's self-care, but lbr.... I've regressed to full health care avoidance mode again

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

Howdy 🤠 the nightmares I had last night about the man doctor I was forced to have four appointments with at the new clinic were a revitalising level of horrible

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

It's been an hour since I woke up and there is still a ball of panic in my chest making it hard to breathe

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

@sobspo Oh worm (same)

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

I want to relapse into my an0rexia because at least then my body falling apart was something I could pretend was in my power. But I never actually had control, not rly, bc whether I choose to starve myself or eat more, my body is still like this.

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

I rly need and want to start working out again, but idk how without fucking my body up..... I've become so deconditioned ever since dropping out of uni and spending months on bed rest to heal that fucking CSF leak. I'm so scared of it ripping back open and happening again

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

(The answer is medical trauma and iatrophobia)

[eli ･ﾟﾟ･⭑ - @hyuncalss]

if u have an easy time losing fat in ur legs i hope u know im super jealous

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

Anyways, here is Cedar hugging my leg while he sleeps

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

[peeks out of the cave I've been hibernating in] what's up guys, I'm depressed and have gotten fat

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

Also: my health is fucked, I'm doing nothing meaningful w my life since A left, issues with the new clinic + care team are preventing me from engaging w them, and I'm feeling extremely isolated and purposeless. So, here I am ! Will I be active again for real? Who knows

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

Help I showed up at my therapist's office and it turns out we didn't have an appointment???? I can't even remember how I got here or why we figured this was on today's schedule. This is so embarrassing

[ru ♡ @ruscvre]

why did i let myself go

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

Anyways! Perhaps I will share excerpts of the document here as a way to motivate myself as I work on this revision. I have 3~ weeks to get it done and sent

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

I'm so glad that S and I have the type of therapy relationship where I can casually text her memes I've made with no context

[bitches be disorderedly eating (i'm bitches) @gxrldagger]

I feel a bit awkward bc O works here now and I'm hoping to see her again (fingers crossed), but that means she'll read the document, and it shares how my time w her at my uni's health centre was life-changing but kinda bungled 🥲 BUT I learned a lot from it, so it's not all bad