Han Solo

Own the awkward

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

I’m either binge watching or binge reading. There is no in between.

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

Those trying to quell inner doubts about their position fear debate because they fear changing their minds. That's why they'd rather broadcast declarations of unshakeable certainty than engage in dialogue. They aren't trying to change minds, they're reassuring themselves.

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

If you believe free speech is for you but not your political opponents, you're illiberal.

If no contrary evidence could change your beliefs, you're a fundamentalist.

If you believe the state should punish those with contrary views, you're a totalitarian.

If you believe political opponents should be punished with violence or death, you're a terrorist.

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

You can take the librarian out of the library but she’ll find another one and continue straightening shelves

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

My mom, telling us all she’s going to take a nap in the car:

You can turn on a CD now if you want, since you won’t have me to entertain you.

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

Photocreds: @emmalineesser

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

I highly recommend post-breakup photoshoots with your photographer bestie

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

I need more friends to go to Alaska this summer so we can go on adventures

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

I’m just wondering how I can get back on the funny side of Twitter cuz there is far too much political stuff on my feed

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

Me and my friend made a bitter playlist on Spotify. The title says it all

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

I have been sick for the past three days and my tea drinking habits are rapidly approaching British levels

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

*mom telling my dad a joke she heard on my cousin’s Instagram story*

Mom: what did they call Beethoven after he died?

Dad:…

M:…

D:…

M:…

D:… I don’t know…

M to me: do you remember the punchline?

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

I'm starting a new movement:

Make Twitter Funny Again

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

Me:“I’m trying to get help.”

Her: “well you could pull around.”

M: “Seriously?? Someone might be hurt!”

Her: “You’re in the way.”

Mind you, my hazards were on and People could go around if they wanted to.

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

Today on my way home from work I witnessed an accident and while I was *on the phone* with 911 a lady came up and asked if I was involved. I told her no, but that I was on the phone with 911 trying to get help. She responded with “Well could you move out of the way?”

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

Just thinking about the time I was flying out of the small airport closest to my home town and listened to some chick scream at the staff about how terrible they were at enforcing masks.

Three days later the mask mandate for air travel was lifted.

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

Y’all I’m about 1 more news bomb drop away from becoming a blanket burrito and going into early hibernation

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

Fair enough🤷🏻‍♀️ but also can I submit a request?

[JUCO World Series⚾️ @JUCOWorldSeries]

@haeaster16 You are the Allstar ⭐️

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

@JUCOWorldSeries where is Smashmouth??? I need to jam to Allstar to get hype!

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

@ReesterB You read it just fine the first time😂

[Han Solo @haeaster16]

Today while talking to a high school class, I said “being dysfunctional is fine as long as you have the fun part” and one of the kids almost snorted his water