Unpopular Opinion: You get in a relationship to LEARN how to love each other, you're not suppose to automatically know. People assume this and are too quick to break up
One of the loneliest experiences in adult life is wanting a relationship that is just slightly beyond what the person you love is capable of giving.
Not because they're bad or because they don't care. But because there's a gap between what you need and what they can offer, between the depth you're reaching for and the depth they're able to go and no amount of love on either side closes it.
You've had the conversations. You've explained what you need as clearly and patiently as you possibly can. They've listened, they've tried but it's still not quite there...not quite the emotional presence you need, not quite the level of intimacy you're starving for, not quite the partnership you imagined when you chose this person. Close enough that leaving feels absurd but far enough that staying hurts in a quiet, constant way.
You're allowed to need what you need. And you're allowed to grieve the specific sadness of loving someone who genuinely tries and still cannot give it to you.
Being fertile.
A lot of us take it for granted that you can just have sex and if you're not careful, you would soon be expecting a baby.
Infertility is crazy.
There's this deep sadness I see in infertile couples. You look at their eyes and that light is just not there.
That sex that is normally enjoyable becomes a chore.
We often prescribe sex like medication for them and after a while, it becomes a chore.
If you can get pregnant or impregnate someone unassisted, you don't know what God has done for you.
Love isn't enough for me anymore. I need you to respect me. I need you to support me. I need you to reassure me. I need to know you won't give up on me. I need you to value me. I need you to be gentle with me. I need to feel safe with you sol can be the softest version of me.
Unfortunately, I do want a provider. I do want a protector. I do want a leader. I do want a dominant man. I do want emotional maturity and effective communication. I do want mental stability. I do want to be spoiled. I do want self awareness. I do want clingy, obsessed and safe. I do want someone who chooses me every time. And nobody is going to make me feel bad for wanting those things in a partner.
Wrote (and sent) this to my now-partner when we both were in denial that we began looking at each other as more than friends. I’m glad we ruined the friendship! (-: