Hailey Steed

•writer of sad, acoustic songs•

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

Call me Stacks Daddio...

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

Hey, guys… when Pocahontas said “You think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you”, she was calling out the horrible behavior… not green lighting it.

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

@depressedm0de You would, Mr. Sailor Man 😝

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

Note to self: eating an avocado does NOT curb your craving for licorice.

[President Biden Archived @POTUS46Archive]

Our statement on the death of Queen Elizabeth II.

[James @CaucasianJames]

do u think jesus could run the mile in under 7 minutes

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

Am I dreaming or is it 10:15am and my boyfriend is serenading me and our 1y/o daughter with “MILF $” while she eats her mini pancakes.

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

Guys… don’t worry. The IRS is just being generous by waiting to send those returns. How, you ask? It’s racking up interest the longer they hold onto it. You wanna pay me MORE? THANK YOU SO MUCH. Isn’t that right, @IRSnews @IRStaxpros ?? Go ahead, tell ‘em.

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

Thinking about this one time in middle school P.E., I asked a classmate “what’s the plan, Stan?” and she looked me dead in the eyes and said “My name’s not Stan, it’s Hannah”. I’m still in disbelief.

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

To the people that eat Cheddar cheese because they enjoy it… I’m scared of you.

[Mariam🍃 @mariam_elian]

Best thing i’ve seen in a while.

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

If he really loved you, he’d drink your Epsom salt foot soak instead of dumping it out.

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

“You’re my Umami Mommy, cause you’re yummy”- Zach, 26

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

My boyfriend was singing a song about cream cheese to the tune of “My Heart Will Go On” while smacking my ass (keeping tempo, ya know). Now, when he said “it’s my will to live”, I’m not convinced he was talking about cream cheese.

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

@BIGWHINYBRAT Wear a sign around your neck that says “Me No Talkie Talkie”. That should do the trick.

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

Facts

[@scottjshapiro.bsky.social @scottjshapiro]

If you are plotting a coup, don’t invite a documentarian to film the criminal parts.

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

parenting classes should focus less on diapers and more on what to do when you’re sad but still have to pretend to be a tugboat

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

@laurensantana23 Is it Friends In Albany?

[Porter @ItsRetrop]

Tesla mfs laughing at gas prices like they monthly payments not $900

[Hailey Steed @hailssteed]

@rach_is_talking Are they on Zoloft now?