incorrect halflives

we all have halflflives 💚 entertainment only! | quotes aren't mine. enjoy 🖤 (she/her)

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

this goes for everyone btw 👀 if you have any fun ideas, dm me directly so i can post and credit you, or tag me so i can rt it 🖤 this account is a pack project!

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

@chachyturtle @wehavehalflives yesss! feel free to bring in your ideas whenever :D

[Linda Battilani @lilyhashalflife]

friend: what are you good at?
me:
me: denial 🫠 actually very good at it

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

what fede thinks vs. what he
he looks like really looks like

[Chachy 🐢🏳️‍🌈 @chachyturtle]

Mom: “what did you learn today?”

Child: “teacher Linda taught us how to make pasta”

@halflflives

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

linda, sighing dramatically: men don't even open car doors anymore

oscar, visibly confused: how else am i supposed to get in then

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

fede: you have such an excellent taste in clothes

linda: of course i do. i didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

cop: do you know how fast you were going? i hope you don't drive like that with your kid in the car!

oscar: huh?

cop: *motions to the "BABY ON BOARD" sticker*

oscar: oh no... i'm...

cop:

oscar: i'm...

cop: ?

oscar: i'm baby.

cop:

oscar:

cop: that'll be a fine of 500€

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

fede, hungover: my head is killing me

linda: not fast enough

fede: huh?

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

oscar: what do you see in the clouds?

linda: years of unregulated carbon emissions causing climate change that will affect the next generation much more than the people who refuse to change.

oscar:

linda:

oscar: i see a puppy.

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

girl: hey wanna come over ;)

linda: i can't, i have to hide a body

girl: haha my boyfriend isn't home

linda: yea i know

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fede: yeah, i was annoying when i was 19. who wasn't?

fede: and yeah, i was also annoying at 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29...

linda: last week. yesterday...

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

linda: i was always told i could be whoever i wanted

linda: turns out, i can't because "identity theft is a crime"

linda: i am very upset right now.

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

margaux: what are your guys' new years resolutions?

linda: french probably

margaux: you already speak french tho??

linda: oh sorry i thought you said revolution-

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

oscar: my strength comes from community

fede: my strength comes from friendship

linda: well MY strength comes from my sacred amulet 😌

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

linda: music business is just like a lifelong game called "do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep"

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

oscar: hey, have you seen my flamethrower?

linda: no... why do you need a flamethrower?!

oscar: oh, you know, yard work...

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

linda: how the hell do i talk to people

oscar: just stand in front of them and press A

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

oscar: i want a unicorn for christmas

linda: maybe something more realistic?

oscar: how about the re-release of the OVER songs?

linda:

linda: what color unicorn?

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

oscar: i'm claustrophobic

fede: what is that?

linda: it means he's afraid of santa claus

oscar: that's not wha-

fede: ho ho ho

linda: STOP IT YOU'RE SCARING HIM

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

broke: last christmas by wham!

woke: last christmas by crazy frog

bespoke: Last Crhsitmas by halflflives feat. THE UMA

[incorrect halflives @halflflives]

fede: margaux?! how did you find me?

margaux: oh, you know. i saw a huge explosion and wondered, "now, who could that be?"