Dick Math

I Dare you to kill me.

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

Do you think scarecrows call their testicles “strawberries”?

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

What kinda car would a bird drive? A coupe.

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

I moved into and got a job at a family run funeral home driving bodies from the morgue to the cemetery. Because I’m not related to the family they’ve been hazing me, stealing things from my room and calling me the Bedless Hearseman!

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

I wonder when we’re gonna get to the ZZ Bottom

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

This is my impression of an ex nazi chef from one of the concentration camps, who gets accused of using too much garlic in his meals:

“I’m but I was just following the recipe”

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

The invisible man has started using she/her pronouns and wants to go by Trans-lucent now.

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

My timeline is full of ICE stuff. Where’d all the onlyfans girls go?

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

All this talk of protests going on and I’m like hey won’t someone please think of the amateur tests…?

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

I was always scared to meet Ernest Borgnine because I never met Ernest Borgone through Ernest Borgeight and I didn’t wanna seem unprepared.

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

@JDVance Couch fucking idiot

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

@TheWapplehouse This is a perfect joke.

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

If me and my friends found E.T. When we were kids we all would’ve been raped repeatedly by Epstein, Trump, Clinton, Gates and basically anyone in any position of power over the last few decades.

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

Just found out Antarctica is short for Anthony Arctica

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

@NickLutsko Big Nick, I’ve been giving you credit for this every step of the way. You are and forever will be my scorpion king.

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

They should put tea bag tags on tampon strings

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

I used to date an Irish pile of bones. We don’t speak anymore. She’s just an exoskeleton.

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

@Fightful Doink the clown’s daughter Daughnk the clown

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

What do you call a bed that a famous explorer has never accidentally shit in? Unsharted territory.

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

@CarmChristopher Indianapolis is the hidden gem of the Midwest!

[Dick Math @halloweendick]

Now do Wedding Singer 2 and kill Drew Barrymore in the first five minutes.