Sentence that only makes sense to Jews:
“I have a lot of siblings and I was first to wash my hands before meals, so of course I’m an expert at playing charades.”
PRINCIPAL: It’s about your son. In the middle of parsha class he asked “what if a kohen poops mid-blessing the people?”
ME: Well that’s an unusual question but it hardly warrants…
PRINCIPAL: He then yelled “TURDUCHEN” and laughed maniacally.
ME: That’s my boy!
Weird Jewish Problems:
BARBER: You’ve got a bit of a unit’s going on there. Want me to clean it up for you?
Me: Sure! Lemme just check real quick that none of my relatives died.
The Siddur is a lowkey bonkers book.
Ate a cookie? Page 89.
Getting married? Page 90.
Naming your child? Page 91.
Ate a sandwich? Pages 92-97.
(The fact that the prayers for eating a sandwich are 10x longer than the prayers for getting married is also lowkey bonkers.)
@spengjr Children, sure, but are you sure the marriage ceremony predates sandwiches? We’ve been eating bread with meat for so long the biblical word לחם means both meat and bread.
@jeb_bush_2028 I’m not sure weddings on the ancient world were like that for common folk, but if they were (Shimshon, Yaakov), a week of feasting was provided to the attendees, so they can hardly complain about a few extra minutes of ceremony.
@cuteraccoon1234 PS: Sarcasm aside, I’ve never heard anyone cite that verse in a halachic context, but if you are aware of such a source please share, I’d love to see it.
@cuteraccoon1234 Also., the assertion something is a biblical command bc “that’s what it means today” is wild. If it stopped meaning that would it no longer be a mitzvah? Must we give drugs to sinners bc it says they must be stoned, and that’s what it means today?