Hamavin Yavin

Torah Memes. #FrumTwitter. המבין יבין

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

Fun fact:

Cholent is traditionally paired with herring because Cholent allows you to talk like a herring.

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

Sentence that only makes sense to Jews:

“I have a lot of siblings and I was first to wash my hands before meals, so of course I’m an expert at playing charades.”

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

Is this the “Toxic Mannahsphere” I keep hearing about?

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

When you want to be a radical progressive but the rabbi is watching:

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

Chabad will always win a wrap battle, because they’ll bring a tank.

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

Seder Taharot tl;dr version:

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

Guess who I bumped into on the way home from the kiddush club scotch tasting?

Everybody!

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

PRINCIPAL: It’s about your son. In the middle of parsha class he asked “what if a kohen poops mid-blessing the people?”

ME: Well that’s an unusual question but it hardly warrants…

PRINCIPAL: He then yelled “TURDUCHEN” and laughed maniacally.

ME: That’s my boy!

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

Carrots? You mean gefilte fish toppers?

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

Weird Jewish Problems:

BARBER: You’ve got a bit of a unit’s going on there. Want me to clean it up for you?

Me: Sure! Lemme just check real quick that none of my relatives died.

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@psychmystic You got wedding sammich money? In this economy?

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

The Siddur is a lowkey bonkers book.

Ate a cookie? Page 89.

Getting married? Page 90.

Naming your child? Page 91.

Ate a sandwich? Pages 92-97.

(The fact that the prayers for eating a sandwich are 10x longer than the prayers for getting married is also lowkey bonkers.)

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@spengjr Ah. But they couldn’t have had a wedding ceremony as there was no one to act as witness.

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

Either the Arabic word for ‘braided’ is very similar to the word for ‘paralysis’ (it is), or I have discovered Yael and Judith’s weapon of choice.

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@spengjr Children, sure, but are you sure the marriage ceremony predates sandwiches? We’ve been eating bread with meat for so long the biblical word לחם means both meat and bread.

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@der_masmid @chuukosha And people thought I was weird when I told my daughter “never date a man who ranks deli meat by order of sensuality.”

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@ElissaBeth Right, but if you eat a sandwich you have to bentsch. You don’t actually need to have a festive meal to get married.

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@chuukosha If you love pastrami so much, why don’t you marry it?

Oh. Wait…

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@jeb_bush_2028 I’m not sure weddings on the ancient world were like that for common folk, but if they were (Shimshon, Yaakov), a week of feasting was provided to the attendees, so they can hardly complain about a few extra minutes of ceremony.

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@cuteraccoon1234 PS: Sarcasm aside, I’ve never heard anyone cite that verse in a halachic context, but if you are aware of such a source please share, I’d love to see it.

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@cuteraccoon1234 Sooo… your source for the biblical command to get married is neither a command nor mentions marriage?

[Hamavin Yavin @hamavinyavin]

@cuteraccoon1234 Also., the assertion something is a biblical command bc “that’s what it means today” is wild. If it stopped meaning that would it no longer be a mitzvah? Must we give drugs to sinners bc it says they must be stoned, and that’s what it means today?