Justin Hammer

Warranty? Of course our products have a warranty. Warranty as in ''you're gonna need a warrant if you want your money back.''

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

"Is that Tony? Oh man it is, it's Tony. I should say hi. I should buy him a drink and say hi. Hey Tony. TONY!"

》 parody/RP
》 may ship with chem
》solos and more threaded below

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

Things young people tattoo on themselves:

• Feathers/birds
• The infinity symbol
• "I refuse to sink"
• that thing from Harry Potter
• Trees or a forest because they're so "outdoorsy" and "have a connection with nature" even though they never leave their couch

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

It'd be all *noble* and *Tony Stark* of him to say the armor he's building is to protect the Earth, but that'd be a bitch ass lie. The truth is that he's building it to run away from himself.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

There's life out there; a universe of planets where nobody knows him. And sure, the odds that he'll get blown up are uncomfortably high. Maybe he's willing to chance it.
...Maybe that can't be any worse than being stuck on the ground.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

There's something calming about the view from his apartment rooftop. The night sky is polluted by the glow of radio signals and airplanes, but when Justin lays down on an old blanket and takes off his glasses, he can pretend the blurs of light are stars.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

Bring back the ones that were both hot AND old enough to know how a mortgage works

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

Leave my wall of Tony out of this.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

Can you guys not be gross for two seconds. I'm Justin Hammer, how am I the one on the moral high ground here?

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

On my way to shoot Tony Stark in the foot

[Tony Stark @HeartThatGlows]

If you can so much as graze a target I'll shave off my right eyebrow.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

I know how to use a gun, why does everybody forget I know how to use a gun? I MADE them.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

Villain: ❌️
Hero: ❌️
Trickster: ❌️
Anti-hero: ❌️
Mentor: ❌️
Guy who decided to be slightly less of a dick: ✅️

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

The smoothie shop wants to do another fundraiser but I'm not sure I can handle the bald jokes again

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

We (begrudgingly) have our winners.

@StngrNotStature gets to shave my head bald, with a winning bid of $501

@StarkIngenuity gets to hit me in the face with a pie, with a winning bid of $1, 000, 000

All proceeds go to the Rolling Rapids Youth Center courtesy of Smoothie Sailing

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

The opposite of god's special little guy. God's most hated fucking gremlin man.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

If I do one nice thing and immediately die I'm haunting Anthony.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

@HelpfulCucumber "...If you know your street address I can help you. But you have to swear you're not going to mug me or something."

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

@IAmIronManLT Eye roll. "Oh please. It's better than my last place; I don't even need to have The Nail Bucket anymore."

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

@HelpfulCucumber "Somebody get this kid a phone with GPS."

[fran @galacticidiots]

I will seduce you but first I have to piss you off a little. It’s all part of the plan.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

My new apartment is the size of a shoebox, but the plumbing works and nobody's tried to kill me.

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

Ah, memories

[Justin Hammer @HammerTekk]

Being arrested, going bankrupt, being experimented on, going bankrupt again, and moving into a an apartment where a guy tries to stab me in the stairwell every other weekend puts me in the unique position of hating myself yet still hating most people even more.