charismatic megafauna

generally disappointing (she/her)

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

@tunafishwiliams The surprise hole in pants is always an unwelcome one

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

I am falling in love with cottage cheese rn

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

He ghosted me lmao

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

A man (a man!) is watching The Princess Bride for me rn (while I watch too) and I feel like I’m about to get myself into an attraction that will severely inconvenience me

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

I had a bad week (like I got in a fight with someone 2 management grades above me and also got in a fight with a director report, bad) and now I also have to be reminded that I’m old (I graduated college 10 years ago)

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

I’m having a really bad time at work but I can’t even go outside and cry in my car about it because I got a flat tire this morning and my car is at a fucking shop.

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

@ spectrum i genuinely hate your company so much.

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

The performatively liberal men who sneak into our lives by seeming better than the conservative shit bags and then just being mooching bums….i hate.

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

I just posted a nonchalant TikTok comment and ONE MINUTE LATER it had 30 likes so I feel like I’m in for an annoying barrage of notifications

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

They brought B. D. Wong back to SVU!!

And then they HURT him! 😡

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

Hey guys this is crazy but it’s actually 3……

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

If I had a nickel for every time someone I slept with was featured on a local billboard I would have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

If a man ever approached me and started singing in a perfect “Fiyero” tenor, I would accept that as a proposal of marriage on the spot.

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

For some reason I decided I wanted to cry over Finn Hudson tonight so I’m watching The Quarterback and it’s devastating as always

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

I turn 32 in 4 hours which is crazy cause I mostly feel 22 but sometimes I also feel 62

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

The first thing I ate in the new year was an onion cup (with stuff in it). It was my first onion cup ever and I was scared but Courtney Cook was right that shit slaps

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

Spectrum is a terrible company that gives terrible service and coverage holy shit

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

I had a shitty day and I was mean to a lot people.

They deserved it but I still don’t feel great about it.

I’ll try again tomorrow

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

My BAC teetered right over the edge at the exact moment I entered the Epcot Norway pavilion, just enough to start crying about my (late, Norwegian) grandma

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

Overheard in line in Disney World: “I had a sugar mama once, she was Jewish and her family owned a bagel shop. It was fire.”

[charismatic megafauna @hannah_b_vail]

The person next to me on my flight smells vaguely of fish so that’s fun