Hannah Parfitt

“people were absolutely astounded and blown away by the magic of moving pictures transmitted into their homes via invisible rays”

[Ella Zee 🌈👑 @EllaZee5]

wedding guest: so how do you know the bride?

Axl rose: she's my NANANANANANA NIECE NIECE

[Game of Throw-ins @GameofThrowIns]

Fucking hell Tom. I don’t need this right now.

[Reuters Pitchbot (Satire) @ReutersPitchbot]

BREAKING: World's biggest clown purchases world's largest circus

[mariana Z @mariana057]

Air used to be free at the gas station, now it's $1.50. You know why?
Inflation.

[Oscar the Grouch @OscarTheGrouch]

Terrible.

[Drew Gooden @drewisgooden]

sometimes CAPTCHA makes you solve one of those 1000 piece puzzles that's all sky and other times you just have to tell them you're not a robot and they take your word for it. who's in charge of this

[Iris 💫 @Jest_Iris]

the helium shortage is only being made worse by inflation

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

My son's middle name is Fucking.

[Dr Pessimus Prime, rat edition 🐀 @BigJDubz]

Yard reviews

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"Amazing milkshakes"

⭐☆☆☆☆
"Too many boys"

[McErin☘️ @colleen_eileen]

dogs love us because to them our red flags are just grey

[Katie Rife @RifewithKatie]

Let's keep Facebook down until we reach herd immunity

[Axe @westernunion2k]

Caveman be like "5 will be my year"

[Steve Chiotakis 🫐 @RadioChio]

Earthquake in LA!

[Adrenalin @adrenalindenver]

Around the pool they are Walk-DMC.

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

shadowy figure standing on my ceiling: [starts chanting my name backwards]

me: man i have to be awake in like 4 hours