Hans Sicker

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

@ESPNFANSUPPORT , when i try to visit my league page it says "You do not have permission to view this page." I believe it's linked to both my yahoo and gmail accounts, confusing it.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

One turtle sneezes while doing a line of coke, and now I can't get a straw at Starbucks.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

@SinemiaSupport , I have e-mailed you, sent you a DM and tweeted at you, but still haven't heard from you. I'm sick of having to purchase tickets because you have app issues and no real time support.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

@SinemiaSupport you seen to be having the same problem with multiple people. Maybe try addressing it. #sinenema

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

@SinemiaApp if this is the only way to reach you, then list it. don't list an email that nobody checks

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

@SinemiaApp apparently this is the only way to contact customer service. I sent an email a month ago responding to me not checking in to the Egyptian theater. look it up. this weekend, I had to buy a ticket for a movie because you claimed I didn't check in to the previous theater

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

A zebra's just a horse that broke out of prison.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

Has anyone stopped to think about how this straw ban will affect the scarecrow industry?

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

I went to a pie eating contest and ate 3.14 of them.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

Maybe boa constrictors are just guilty of loving mice, too much.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

I tried to follow my dreams, but then my dreams got a restraining order.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

Two things are certain in life: Death and taxidermy

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

Dick Clark was doing NYE way before Ryan Seacrest's balls dropped.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

If you ever wondered what it would be like if C-3PO had a love child with Chandler from friends, you'll like Rogue One.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

Just to give you fair warning, "Meet the Press" is not a show about paninis. I'd hate for others to be as disappointed as I was.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

So one hurricane was unable to do more damage because another hurricane pulled it away from the crowds? The NRA is going to love this one.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

If you hate government spending, you should vote for Hilary, because they'll probably only pay her 70¢ on the dollar.

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

So now we're just supposed to refer to them as Bra & Ngaliena?

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

There's no "I" in "team"? Why hasn't anyone been correcting me?

[Hans Sicker @hanssucks]

Water polo is like soccer while trying not to drown. Kobe was good at free throws, but what if God was trying to kill him with every throw?