kambalame

Half Man, Half Amazing.

[kambalame @hapendowski]

✍️

[Gwamba @GwambaOfficial]

Dear Lord

🙏🏿

[ESPN Africa @ESPNAfrica]

We need to talk about Tabitha Chawinga's goal tally 😮‍💨

She is the first women’s footballer from Malawi to play for a European club, and plays alongside her sister Temwa for the national team 🇲🇼

[kambalame @hapendowski]

😂

[L-DK @flellah]

As a God-fearing country, having a pastor as your worst president is some joke for generations.

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@ALICK_FALCONE Ndipo amwene

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@shaheed_Ebrahim @Freshswagg90 That's serious organization.

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@Lexaz_Lexaz Kalambo basi

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@JulioMulenga 😂

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@AirtelMalawiPlc Julius Caesar

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@AirtelMalawiPlc Morocco

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@DreOsman_ "...you are about to learn something that was never taught in school "😂😂😂

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@glumonmic_ Ikufunika

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@evanzmuzikmw Sigid apezeka?

[kambalame @hapendowski]

No lie detected 😂

[Troll Football @TrollFootball]

Spain vs Cabo Verde match highlights

[Tadala @TadalaNkhundah]

https://t.co/PhvjKcIPCr

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@KapVibes @Untouched260 You can only stream with Onstream app

[kambalame @hapendowski]

😂

[Bambo A Tereza 🇲🇼 @wesleylots]

"She was the baddest, he was the realest" 🎵

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@WKalongonda @Hopemalopa 🤣🤝🏾

[kambalame @hapendowski]

@SpotifyAfrica @TadalaNkhundah

[kambalame @hapendowski]

This should be adapted for the screen. Hilarious 😂

[Pemphero W Mphande @PempheroMphande]

I had a mesho in college who had a habit of becoming born again now and again, especially close to exams or whenever he was chasing one of those holy holy girls. Suddenly he would stop drinking, start dressing properly, speaking softly and quoting Bible verses like a pastor’s apprentice. He would avoid me and my drunkard friends like we carried demons. But whenever he relapsed back into our sinful ways, he would immediately come looking for me and my drinking sprees. And when drunk, he loved screaming obscenities at the top of his voice in the middle of the night like a mad prophet.

So as usual, he became born again because of a certain premed girl he was interested in. He dressed decently, stayed sober and avoided my company completely. This time around it lasted so long that I genuinely thought perhaps the Lord had finally captured him for good. Then one night, while I was watching a series, I heard someone outside screaming obscenities. The voice sounded painfully familiar. Moments later, a friend knocked and said, “You need to go get your mesho. He is outside someone’s room causing chaos.” I rushed there and found him completely wasted. He was standing outside the room of a certain guy we called Atsogo. Atsogo was the spiritual father of the premed girl my mesho had been pursuing. The corridor was crowded. Doors were slightly open. People were peeping from inside rooms enjoying the drama.The moment my mesho saw me he pointed and shouted, “Nawenso mesho ma*** ako. Nawenso sumafuna ndigwire mwana yu!”

The premed girl was there too, crying and begging him to leave Atsogo alone.Apparently, after months of pursuing her, escorting her to church and behaving like a redeemed man, she had finally told him, “I am sorry, but I cannot date you. My spiritual father had a vision and says he sees no future between us. So you must stop talking to me and stop coming to church with me.” So naturally, he went to drink and came looking for Atsogo. He kept screaming, “Atsogo, I know your intentions you horny bastard! You want this girl. Come out and face me idiot!”

After trying to calm him down failed, I simply grabbed him and dragged him back to the room. He kept shouting nonsense the entire way back. The moment he hit the bed, he passed out within https://t.co/hrnAf7HJJW the weeks that followed, Atsogo indeed started dating the girl. This infuriated my mesho even further. Although he had stayed sober for a while after the incident, hearing that news pushed him straight back into https://t.co/pYnyqJwr7m night he got drunk again, he walked through the corridors loudly describing the anatomy of the girl’s hidden parts in disturbing detail. He kept saying Atsogo was eating what he had already eaten and discarded. He even nicknamed him “Neneli Onyenga.” Yet the truth was my mesho had not even kissed the girl. The next day, the girl came crying to our room begging him to tell people the truth because the rumours had ruined her relationship with Atsogo. My mesho told her he could indeed correct the story, but to do so he needed courage, and courage only came through alcohol. Therefore she had to buy him a full crate of Green.

The girl believed him and sent him money for a whole crate and some extra money.That night, after finishing almost the entire crate, my mesho staggered through the corridors again screaming, “Atsogo, she came to my room again. I ate her again and she gave me money to drink to express her gratitude towards my good performance!”