alyssaaa

👶🏻 sterling, stanton, + stellan’s mama

[Officially on Record 📃 @ToeCrackinOs]

I contracted some neighborhood kids to wash my grill this summer. They're amateurs, but they're just trying to get by. You know?

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

Trying to figure out what about me makes me so easy to cheat on? Every single long term relationship I’ve been in has left me with immense trauma and scars from being second best. It’s tired. I’m tired.

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

Just a stupid, loyal, dumb Bitch.

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

Some people earn their nicknames. I didn't. Because it's Sunny. And I'm the furthest thing from sunny.

[The Demon Clown @TheDemonClown]

Just finished #Letterkenny and...

[non aesthetic things @PicturesFoIder]

Dad takes his son out for his first driving lesson 😬

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

@ToeCrackinOs @oldad1775 That’s autobrush dumbass

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

@oldad1775 @ToeCrackinOs Hismile has tons of different non mint flavors. Including cake and candy and fruit flavors.

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

@ToeCrackinOs Absolutely not. You failed to mention the 280k miles. If it was $280 then I’d say go for it. But not 14k for a 17 with nearly 300 thousand miles on it when you put on 20k miles a year. You fcking dumb?

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

@ToeCrackinOs Mushrooms in anything is a war crime

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

@ToeCrackinOs I slipped on mah beans.

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

Can’t borrow the type of books I read from a library. For 1. Don’t want to have to check them out. 👀. But 2. Idk who checked it out before me. I don’t want their bean juice on the pages I’m touching. Wash ya hands. 👏

[Officially on Record 📃 @ToeCrackinOs]

Gotta use the lazy one to trap the rolly one. @Iamahardhead

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

@ToeCrackinOs Fck off

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

I’m a good human. I’m a great wife. I’m an incredible mother. And I deserve to be treated as such.

[Officially on Record 📃 @ToeCrackinOs]

Baby Tylenol has more security than our elections.

I have a college degree and the four layers of security strained my ability to gain access.

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

@ToeCrackinOs Who?

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

That pie and a glass of milk makes me feel like a decadent bitch. - Nick

[alyssaaa @hardlyalyssa]

It’s happened again. I’m fucking crushed.