Tracy Turino

A singer in many bands, plays keys, radio personality, DJ, KJ, I can DANCE, play music, comedy, loves my puppies, life, family and FRIENDS! #autoharp

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

Don't try this at home. If you're homeless, go for it!

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

I tried to remember the Macarena and wound up telling a deaf girl I screwed her husband.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he's adopted.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

Dear sneeze if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't just put a stupid look on my face and leave.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

@stevenchodges HAHAHA!!!

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.

[E! News @enews]

Well, you definitely can't say that Jim Carrey gives a boring interview: "There is no me. There's just things happening."

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

I ate a shepherd's pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

If your house doesn't have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

T-shirts should come in a size between XL and XXL called "I'm still hoping to turn things around"

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

Careful Girls, fat guys just want to get in your pantries!

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

The 5 second rule does not apply when you have a 2 second dog.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

You lost your phone and it's on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.

[Tracy Turino @harpohauto]

When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.