Harrison Kay

please try to enjoy each tweet equally

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

actually we've had generative AI since 1999

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

🛸 UFO 1: Just Salad is OBJECTIVELY BETTER than Sweetgreen

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

starting a new series called Unsolicited Food Opinions (UFOs 🛸) and you all get to be along for the ride!!!

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

@AmesssG why is everything $23.50 rn

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

here’s an idea: stop charging $23.50 for a tito’s martini

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

@DHumphrey93 it’s the old adage “if at first you don’t succeed, periodically come back”

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

why are you:

- stalling
- sweating
- screaming
- hesitating
- causing delays
- paying with pennies
- holding your dog
- waiting in the full-service line when you can use the convenient self-service kiosk
- requesting “the bald eagle design” for your stamps

at the post office?

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

must you smoke

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

why are you:

- bragging
- beefing
- brown-nosing
- posting slop
- posting at an unreasonable frequency
- using improper grammar
- using AI-generated rhetoric
- airing personal grievances
- leaking corporate secrets
- exhibiting other troubling behaviors

on LinkedIn?

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

why are you:

- hazing
- hoarding
- hugging
- ghosting
- not acknowledging
- directing misplaced anger at
- offloading complex tasks on
- diminishing the mental health of

the intern?

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

the following words are hereby BANNED from use on LinkedIn:

- build/building/built
- masterclass
- humbled / excited / thrilled (to announce)
- rocket ship / 🚀 to describe growth
- growth / growing / grow / grown
- onward
- momentum
- here’s what I learned
- stay tuned

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

2025 wasn’t a good year for me tweets-wise

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

I don’t understand companies that give out “badges”. If Chipotle is awarding me the “Certified Fatass” badge and it doesn’t come with 20,000 fatass bonus points I respectfully don’t want it.

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

cinnamon whiskey 🤝 pool deck on a cruise

FIREBALL!!!!!!!!!!

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

this summer’s gonna be a MOVIE

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

YES, nickelback is ON my workout playlist

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

why if my stomach hurts am I reaching for a buffalo style chicken stick (made with dried apples and real sea salt)

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

IN:

- getting enough sleep
- saying “AN historic moment”
- reading the room

OUT:

- panicking
- charging extra for bread
- careless typos

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

that’s right I’m back with a vengeance

an olive-related vengeance

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

how are you as a restaurant in 2025 not offering fresh, fat, buttery, hand-stuffed bleu cheese olives to accompany your $24 tito’s martini

[Harrison Kay @harrykay4]

does anyone miss me on here or what