del

[del @hart_delaney]

https://t.co/sfDe1YGa03

[Keith🦴 @kkrocketz]

I deserve a $1000 monthly allowance from the government so i can visit all my friends in other cities and give them big huge hugs and kisses

[Jon Lovett @jonlovett]

Imagine having a personality so bad it makes people root for a spaceship to crash

[pastoral imbecile @finnegans_vape]

Commenting ‘nightmare blunt rotation’ on some family’s Christmas photos on Facebook

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

everyone in a friend group has their own little role, and i’m proud to be the one who always thinks everyone should quit their job

[trash jones @jzux]

feeling sad today. can everyone please send cute pictures of their credit card, front and back?

[Brent & Fred's Excellent Adventure @BrentColman]

Living in Canada right now is like having the comment section on a news article come to life.

[Peter Frampton @peterframpton]

Maybe video killed the radio star but the internet is killing democracy worldwide.

[josef k hole @poeticdweller]

virginia Woolf's 1931 new years resolutions : "to be free & kindly with myself [...] Sometimes to read, sometimes not to read. to go out, yes—but stay at home in spite of being asked. as for clothes, i think to buy good ones."

[alexa @alexadoingstuff]

you want to get stoned? the thing that killed two birds?

[GL DiVittorio @gldivittorio]

If we go back into full lockdown all winter I'm starting hard drugs or becoming a flat earther or something I cannot do this again fully aware

[vampire workday @imbobswaget]

whoever invented eating a big bowl of rice with some protein, maybe a veg and some kind of condiment…thank you for your service

[Rachel Slurs @rachelsuckz]

A true alpha knows when its bedtime